http://www.odeo.com/channels/2818-Escape-Pod no The Science Fiction Podcast Magazine. Each week Escape Pod delivers science fiction short stories from today\'s best authors. Listen today, and hear the new sound of science fiction! The Science Fiction Podcast Magazine. Each week Escape Pod delivers science fiction short stories from today\'s best authors. Listen today, and hear the new sound of science fiction! The Science Fiction Podcast Magazine en 40 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:30:18 -0800 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:30:18 -0800 Literature http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25440362-EP224-The-Ghost-in-the-Death-Trap by Marjorie James read by Steve Eley Editor’s note:  this is a sequel to EP007.  Listen to it here. Flies buzzed around the edges of the huge stone block, gathering at the rivulets of blood that ran down to the floor. A bit of what looked like it might be intestine hung off one corner, drawing special attention. It was a testament to the force of the collision that fragments of bone and tissue were scattered all the way down the passage, some even wedged in the carvings in the stone walls. Two men surveyed the scene with dismay. “See? And this just keeps happening. It’s getting so we can’t get anything done around here,” said the taller of the two, a grey-haired man with red eyes and a patchy beard. The other man, younger but not precisely young, hauled himself up on top of the block and examined the mechanism. “This bar’s been sliced right through.” He looked back down at his client. “You say this was a poltergeist?” Rated... by Marjorie James read by Steve Eley Editor’s note:  this is a sequel to EP007.  Listen to it here. Flies buzzed around the edges of the huge stone block, gathering at the rivulets of blood that ran down to the floor. A bit of what looked like it might be intestine hung off one corner, drawing special attention. It was a testament to the force of the collision that fragments of bone and tissue were scattered all the way down the passage, some even wedged in the carvings in the stone walls. Two men surveyed the scene with dismay. “See? And this just keeps happening. It’s getting so we can’t get anything done around here,” said the taller of the two, a grey-haired man with red eyes and a patchy beard. The other man, younger but not precisely young, hauled himself up on top of the block and examined the mechanism. “This bar’s been sliced right through.” He looked back down at his client. “You say this was a poltergeist?” Rated PG for some violence and language. by Marjorie James read by Steve Eley Editor’s note:  this is a sequel to EP007.  Listen to it here. Flies buzzed around the edges of the huge stone block, gathering at the rivulets of blood that ran down to the floor. A bit of what looked like it might be intestine hung off one corner, drawing special attention. It was a testament to the force of the collision that fragments of bone and tissue were scattered all the way down the passage, some even wedged in the carvings in the stone walls. Two men surveyed the scene with dismay. “See? And this just keeps happening. It’s getting so we can’t get anything done around here,” said the taller of the two, a grey-haired man with red eyes and a patchy beard. The other man, younger but not precisely young, hauled himself up on top of the block and examined the mechanism. “This bar’s been sliced right through.” He looked back down at his client. “You say this was a poltergeist?” Rated PG for some violence and language. tag:odeo.com,2009-11-12,25440362 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:30:18 -0800 no Escape Pod Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25405531-EP223-The-Uncanny-Valley by Nick Mamatas read by Kathryn Baker The trouble with knowing everything there is to know, Stephanie Dowling decided instantly, because that’s how clever she was, was that when there was something unknown out there, she had nobody to consult. And there was something unknown out there, nibbling away at the edge of the economy, and screwing with the Cottrell-Cockshot tatonnements sufficiently that there’d be problems. Shortages of essentials: power cells and answer boxes. Ridiculous surpluses of nonsense like chrome and diamonds. She could tell because the bride was coughing between her lines and the donkey she rode on suddenly looked ill. It would be just like … wossname … that old thing. Capitalism. Till she fixed it anyway. Wossname? Rated R. by Nick Mamatas read by Kathryn Baker The trouble with knowing everything there is to know, Stephanie Dowling decided instantly, because that’s how clever she was, was that when there was something unknown out there, she had nobody to consult. And there was something unknown out there, nibbling away at the edge of the economy, and screwing with the Cottrell-Cockshot tatonnements sufficiently that there’d be problems. Shortages of essentials: power cells and answer boxes. Ridiculous surpluses of nonsense like chrome and diamonds. She could tell because the bride was coughing between her lines and the donkey she rode on suddenly looked ill. It would be just like … wossname … that old thing. Capitalism. Till she fixed it anyway. Wossname? Rated R. by Nick Mamatas read by Kathryn Baker The trouble with knowing everything there is to know, Stephanie Dowling decided instantly, because that’s how clever she was, was that when there was something unknown out there, she had nobody to consult. And there was something unknown out there, nibbling away at the edge of the economy, and screwing with the Cottrell-Cockshot tatonnements sufficiently that there’d be problems. Shortages of essentials: power cells and answer boxes. Ridiculous surpluses of nonsense like chrome and diamonds. She could tell because the bride was coughing between her lines and the donkey she rode on suddenly looked ill. It would be just like … wossname … that old thing. Capitalism. Till she fixed it anyway. Wossname? Rated R. tag:odeo.com,2009-11-05,25405531 Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:06:42 -0800 no Escape Pod Uncategorized http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25386994-EP222-Infestation by Garth Nix read by Geoff Michelli Recently appeared in By Blood We Live. They were the usual motley collection of freelance vampire hunters. Two men, wearing combinations of jungle camouflage and leather. Two women, one almost indistinguishable from the men though with a little more style in her leather armour accessories, and the other looking like she was about to assault the south covered by balaclava, mirror shades, climbing helmet and hood. face of a serious mountain. Only her mouth was visible, a small oval of flesh not They had the usual weapons: four or five short wooden stakes in belt loops; snap-holstered handguns of various calibers, all doubtless chambered with Wood-N-Death® low-velocity timber-tipped rounds; big silver-edged bowie or other hunting knife, worn on the hip or strapped to a boot; and crystal vials of holy water hung like small grenades on pocket loops. Protection, likewise, tick the usual boxes. Leather neck and wrist guards; leather and woven-wire reinfo... by Garth Nix read by Geoff Michelli Recently appeared in By Blood We Live. They were the usual motley collection of freelance vampire hunters. Two men, wearing combinations of jungle camouflage and leather. Two women, one almost indistinguishable from the men though with a little more style in her leather armour accessories, and the other looking like she was about to assault the south covered by balaclava, mirror shades, climbing helmet and hood. face of a serious mountain. Only her mouth was visible, a small oval of flesh not They had the usual weapons: four or five short wooden stakes in belt loops; snap-holstered handguns of various calibers, all doubtless chambered with Wood-N-Death® low-velocity timber-tipped rounds; big silver-edged bowie or other hunting knife, worn on the hip or strapped to a boot; and crystal vials of holy water hung like small grenades on pocket loops. Protection, likewise, tick the usual boxes. Leather neck and wrist guards; leather and woven-wire reinforced chaps and shoulder pauldrons over the camo; leather gloves with metal knuckle plates; Army or climbing helmets. Rated R for violence and very different vampires. by Garth Nix read by Geoff Michelli Recently appeared in By Blood We Live. They were the usual motley collection of freelance vampire hunters. Two men, wearing combinations of jungle camouflage and leather. Two women, one almost indistinguishable from the men though with a little more style in her leather armour accessories, and the other looking like she was about to assault the south covered by balaclava, mirror shades, climbing helmet and hood. face of a serious mountain. Only her mouth was visible, a small oval of flesh not They had the usual weapons: four or five short wooden stakes in belt loops; snap-holstered handguns of various calibers, all doubtless chambered with Wood-N-Death® low-velocity timber-tipped rounds; big silver-edged bowie or other hunting knife, worn on the hip or strapped to a boot; and crystal vials of holy water hung like small grenades on pocket loops. Protection, likewise, tick the usual boxes. Leather neck and wrist guards; leather and woven-wire reinforced chaps and shoulder pauldrons over the camo; leather gloves with metal knuckle plates; Army or climbing helmets. Rated R for violence and very different vampires. tag:odeo.com,2009-10-29,25386994 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 03:30:37 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated R http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25344825-EP220-Little-Ambushes by Joanne Merriam read by Rachel Swirsky Practically the first thing she did when she took in the alien was to give him a new name. He looked at her outstretched hand long enough to annoy her, and then grasped it with his four opposable fingers and hung on limply until she wrenched her hand out of his moist and over-jointed grip. She said, “I’m Sarah,” and he said his name, or what she assumed was his name, in return, rolling the syllables around in his mouth like so many rough pebbles. His name was too long, something like Shperidth with extra grunting noises in the middle, like a car backfiring very far away. She tried to repeat it and couldn’t, while he stood on her doorstep sweating and folding his fingers around each other. She frowned at him. “I can’t say that,” she said. Rated PG-13 for some adult situations and coarse language. by Joanne Merriam read by Rachel Swirsky Practically the first thing she did when she took in the alien was to give him a new name. He looked at her outstretched hand long enough to annoy her, and then grasped it with his four opposable fingers and hung on limply until she wrenched her hand out of his moist and over-jointed grip. She said, “I’m Sarah,” and he said his name, or what she assumed was his name, in return, rolling the syllables around in his mouth like so many rough pebbles. His name was too long, something like Shperidth with extra grunting noises in the middle, like a car backfiring very far away. She tried to repeat it and couldn’t, while he stood on her doorstep sweating and folding his fingers around each other. She frowned at him. “I can’t say that,” she said. Rated PG-13 for some adult situations and coarse language. by Joanne Merriam read by Rachel Swirsky Practically the first thing she did when she took in the alien was to give him a new name. He looked at her outstretched hand long enough to annoy her, and then grasped it with his four opposable fingers and hung on limply until she wrenched her hand out of his moist and over-jointed grip. She said, “I’m Sarah,” and he said his name, or what she assumed was his name, in return, rolling the syllables around in his mouth like so many rough pebbles. His name was too long, something like Shperidth with extra grunting noises in the middle, like a car backfiring very far away. She tried to repeat it and couldn’t, while he stood on her doorstep sweating and folding his fingers around each other. She frowned at him. “I can’t say that,” she said. Rated PG-13 for some adult situations and coarse language. tag:odeo.com,2009-10-22,25344825 Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:30:20 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25346805-EP221-Little-Ambushes by Joanne Merriam read by Rachel Swirsky Practically the first thing she did when she took in the alien was to give him a new name. He looked at her outstretched hand long enough to annoy her, and then grasped it with his four opposable fingers and hung on limply until she wrenched her hand out of his moist and over-jointed grip. She said, “I’m Sarah,” and he said his name, or what she assumed was his name, in return, rolling the syllables around in his mouth like so many rough pebbles. His name was too long, something like Shperidth with extra grunting noises in the middle, like a car backfiring very far away. She tried to repeat it and couldn’t, while he stood on her doorstep sweating and folding his fingers around each other. She frowned at him. “I can’t say that,” she said. Rated PG-13 for some adult situations and coarse language. by Joanne Merriam read by Rachel Swirsky Practically the first thing she did when she took in the alien was to give him a new name. He looked at her outstretched hand long enough to annoy her, and then grasped it with his four opposable fingers and hung on limply until she wrenched her hand out of his moist and over-jointed grip. She said, “I’m Sarah,” and he said his name, or what she assumed was his name, in return, rolling the syllables around in his mouth like so many rough pebbles. His name was too long, something like Shperidth with extra grunting noises in the middle, like a car backfiring very far away. She tried to repeat it and couldn’t, while he stood on her doorstep sweating and folding his fingers around each other. She frowned at him. “I can’t say that,” she said. Rated PG-13 for some adult situations and coarse language. by Joanne Merriam read by Rachel Swirsky Practically the first thing she did when she took in the alien was to give him a new name. He looked at her outstretched hand long enough to annoy her, and then grasped it with his four opposable fingers and hung on limply until she wrenched her hand out of his moist and over-jointed grip. She said, “I’m Sarah,” and he said his name, or what she assumed was his name, in return, rolling the syllables around in his mouth like so many rough pebbles. His name was too long, something like Shperidth with extra grunting noises in the middle, like a car backfiring very far away. She tried to repeat it and couldn’t, while he stood on her doorstep sweating and folding his fingers around each other. She frowned at him. “I can’t say that,” she said. Rated PG-13 for some adult situations and coarse language. tag:odeo.com,2009-10-22,25346805 Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:30:20 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25288747-EP220-Come-All-Ye-Faithful by Robert J. Sawyer read by Mike Boris “Damned social engineers,” said Boothby, frowning his freckled face. He looked at me, as if expecting an objection to the profanity, and seemed disappointed that I didn’t rise to the bait. “As you said earlier,” I replied calmly, “it doesn’t make any practical difference.” He tried to get me again: “Damn straight. Whether Jody and I just live together or are legally married shouldn’t matter one whit to anyone but us.” I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of telling him it mattered to God; I just let him go on. “Anyway,” he said, spreading hands that were also freckled, “since we have to be married before the Company will give us a license to have a baby, Jody’s decided she wants the whole shebang: the cake, the fancy reception, the big service.” Rated PG. by Robert J. Sawyer read by Mike Boris “Damned social engineers,” said Boothby, frowning his freckled face. He looked at me, as if expecting an objection to the profanity, and seemed disappointed that I didn’t rise to the bait. “As you said earlier,” I replied calmly, “it doesn’t make any practical difference.” He tried to get me again: “Damn straight. Whether Jody and I just live together or are legally married shouldn’t matter one whit to anyone but us.” I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of telling him it mattered to God; I just let him go on. “Anyway,” he said, spreading hands that were also freckled, “since we have to be married before the Company will give us a license to have a baby, Jody’s decided she wants the whole shebang: the cake, the fancy reception, the big service.” Rated PG. by Robert J. Sawyer read by Mike Boris “Damned social engineers,” said Boothby, frowning his freckled face. He looked at me, as if expecting an objection to the profanity, and seemed disappointed that I didn’t rise to the bait. “As you said earlier,” I replied calmly, “it doesn’t make any practical difference.” He tried to get me again: “Damn straight. Whether Jody and I just live together or are legally married shouldn’t matter one whit to anyone but us.” I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of telling him it mattered to God; I just let him go on. “Anyway,” he said, spreading hands that were also freckled, “since we have to be married before the Company will give us a license to have a baby, Jody’s decided she wants the whole shebang: the cake, the fancy reception, the big service.” Rated PG. tag:odeo.com,2009-10-15,25288747 Thu, 15 Oct 2009 03:30:41 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25252450-EP219-Sleepy-Joe by Marc Laidlaw narrated by Ben Phillips originally appeared in The Infinite Matrix The plan must have come to Rog fully formed that first morning, as he stepped off the elevator into the lobby of Szilliken Sharpenwright and saw the old soldier newly stationed there in his omnichair between the potted silk ferns and the coffee tables. “Oh. My. God. I am in love.” Megan, her arms loaded with Rog-House props and paraphernalia she hadn’t had time to ditch yet, said, “You say that an awful lot for someone who styles himself completely asexual. Not to mention atheistic.” Rated R for adult situations, a smattering of violence, and overly friendly chairs. by Marc Laidlaw narrated by Ben Phillips originally appeared in The Infinite Matrix The plan must have come to Rog fully formed that first morning, as he stepped off the elevator into the lobby of Szilliken Sharpenwright and saw the old soldier newly stationed there in his omnichair between the potted silk ferns and the coffee tables. “Oh. My. God. I am in love.” Megan, her arms loaded with Rog-House props and paraphernalia she hadn’t had time to ditch yet, said, “You say that an awful lot for someone who styles himself completely asexual. Not to mention atheistic.” Rated R for adult situations, a smattering of violence, and overly friendly chairs. by Marc Laidlaw narrated by Ben Phillips originally appeared in The Infinite Matrix The plan must have come to Rog fully formed that first morning, as he stepped off the elevator into the lobby of Szilliken Sharpenwright and saw the old soldier newly stationed there in his omnichair between the potted silk ferns and the coffee tables. “Oh. My. God. I am in love.” Megan, her arms loaded with Rog-House props and paraphernalia she hadn’t had time to ditch yet, said, “You say that an awful lot for someone who styles himself completely asexual. Not to mention atheistic.” Rated R for adult situations, a smattering of violence, and overly friendly chairs. tag:odeo.com,2009-10-08,25252450 Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:30:59 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated R http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25214690-EP218-Ode-To-Katan-Amano by Caitlin R. Kiernan narrated by Kim the Comic Book Goddess No one hears when I ease the heavy steel door shut behind me. All the ears in the darkened workshop, all those hundreds and hundreds of ears, but still no one hears a thing. And I stand there for a while, as unmoving as they, not exactly frightened and not exactly uncertain if I should see this through — I think I stand there in reverence. I be-lieve that’s the word that people use for what I feel in that moment, standing there alone, alone with that assembled crowd. Rated X for violence and strong sexual situations.  As Steve says in the intro, this one isn’t for the kids. by Caitlin R. Kiernan narrated by Kim the Comic Book Goddess No one hears when I ease the heavy steel door shut behind me. All the ears in the darkened workshop, all those hundreds and hundreds of ears, but still no one hears a thing. And I stand there for a while, as unmoving as they, not exactly frightened and not exactly uncertain if I should see this through — I think I stand there in reverence. I be-lieve that’s the word that people use for what I feel in that moment, standing there alone, alone with that assembled crowd. Rated X for violence and strong sexual situations.  As Steve says in the intro, this one isn’t for the kids. by Caitlin R. Kiernan narrated by Kim the Comic Book Goddess No one hears when I ease the heavy steel door shut behind me. All the ears in the darkened workshop, all those hundreds and hundreds of ears, but still no one hears a thing. And I stand there for a while, as unmoving as they, not exactly frightened and not exactly uncertain if I should see this through — I think I stand there in reverence. I be-lieve that’s the word that people use for what I feel in that moment, standing there alone, alone with that assembled crowd. Rated X for violence and strong sexual situations.  As Steve says in the intro, this one isn’t for the kids. tag:odeo.com,2009-10-01,25214690 Thu, 01 Oct 2009 03:30:14 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated X http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25176936-EP217-The-Kindness-of-Strangers by Nancy Kress narrated by Kate Baker When morning finally dawns, Rochester isn’t there anymore. Jenny stands beside Eric, gazing south from the rising ground that yesterday was a fallow field. Maybe the whole city hasn’t vanished. Certainly the tall buildings are gone, Xerox Square and Lincoln Tower and the few others that just last night poked above the horizon, touched by the red fire of the setting September sun. But, unlike Denver or Tokyo or Seattle, Rochester, New York sits – sat – on flat ground and there’s no point from which the whole city could be seen at once. And it was such a small city. “Maybe they only took downtown,” Jenny says to Eric, “and Penfield is still there or Gates or Brighton…” Rated R for sexual situations and alien-caused genocide. by Nancy Kress narrated by Kate Baker When morning finally dawns, Rochester isn’t there anymore. Jenny stands beside Eric, gazing south from the rising ground that yesterday was a fallow field. Maybe the whole city hasn’t vanished. Certainly the tall buildings are gone, Xerox Square and Lincoln Tower and the few others that just last night poked above the horizon, touched by the red fire of the setting September sun. But, unlike Denver or Tokyo or Seattle, Rochester, New York sits – sat – on flat ground and there’s no point from which the whole city could be seen at once. And it was such a small city. “Maybe they only took downtown,” Jenny says to Eric, “and Penfield is still there or Gates or Brighton…” Rated R for sexual situations and alien-caused genocide. by Nancy Kress narrated by Kate Baker When morning finally dawns, Rochester isn’t there anymore. Jenny stands beside Eric, gazing south from the rising ground that yesterday was a fallow field. Maybe the whole city hasn’t vanished. Certainly the tall buildings are gone, Xerox Square and Lincoln Tower and the few others that just last night poked above the horizon, touched by the red fire of the setting September sun. But, unlike Denver or Tokyo or Seattle, Rochester, New York sits – sat – on flat ground and there’s no point from which the whole city could be seen at once. And it was such a small city. “Maybe they only took downtown,” Jenny says to Eric, “and Penfield is still there or Gates or Brighton…” Rated R for sexual situations and alien-caused genocide. tag:odeo.com,2009-09-24,25176936 Thu, 24 Sep 2009 05:00:59 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated R http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25139110-EP216-oyfriend by Madeline Ashby read by Tina Connolly Violet snapped three photos of herself from various angles, sent them, and waited for her boyfriend’s response. He rang her up—a slow vibrating purr, unlike the staccato door-knocking of her mother’s ringvibe—and said: “Me likey. Now take it off.” Violet frowned. “You were supposed to dig up the backstory on the dress.” “Well, you can’t blame me for getting a little distracted. Besides, isn’t it bad luck for me to see?” “That’s only for weddings, not prom.” Rated R for language, teen-adult situations, and virtual steadies. Also, Norm’s sexy talk. by Madeline Ashby read by Tina Connolly Violet snapped three photos of herself from various angles, sent them, and waited for her boyfriend’s response. He rang her up—a slow vibrating purr, unlike the staccato door-knocking of her mother’s ringvibe—and said: “Me likey. Now take it off.” Violet frowned. “You were supposed to dig up the backstory on the dress.” “Well, you can’t blame me for getting a little distracted. Besides, isn’t it bad luck for me to see?” “That’s only for weddings, not prom.” Rated R for language, teen-adult situations, and virtual steadies. Also, Norm’s sexy talk. by Madeline Ashby read by Tina Connolly Violet snapped three photos of herself from various angles, sent them, and waited for her boyfriend’s response. He rang her up—a slow vibrating purr, unlike the staccato door-knocking of her mother’s ringvibe—and said: “Me likey. Now take it off.” Violet frowned. “You were supposed to dig up the backstory on the dress.” “Well, you can’t blame me for getting a little distracted. Besides, isn’t it bad luck for me to see?” “That’s only for weddings, not prom.” Rated R for language, teen-adult situations, and virtual steadies. Also, Norm’s sexy talk. tag:odeo.com,2009-09-17,25139110 Thu, 17 Sep 2009 05:00:08 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated R http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25100578-EP215-Mr-Penumbra%E2%80%99s-Twenty-Four-Hour-Book-Store By Robin Sloan Narrated by Stephen Eley First appeared at Robin Sloan’s blog, June 8, 2009. IT’S 2:02 A.M. ON A COLD SUMMER NIGHT. I’m sitting in a book store next to a strip club. Not that kind of book store. The inventory here is incredibly old and impossibly rare. And it has a secret—a secret that I might have just discovered. I am alone in the store. And then, tap-tap, suddenly I’m not. And now I’m pretty sure I’m about to snap my laptop shut, run screaming out the front door, and never return. Rated G. May contain creepy imagery and disturbing data visualizations. By Robin Sloan Narrated by Stephen Eley First appeared at Robin Sloan’s blog, June 8, 2009. IT’S 2:02 A.M. ON A COLD SUMMER NIGHT. I’m sitting in a book store next to a strip club. Not that kind of book store. The inventory here is incredibly old and impossibly rare. And it has a secret—a secret that I might have just discovered. I am alone in the store. And then, tap-tap, suddenly I’m not. And now I’m pretty sure I’m about to snap my laptop shut, run screaming out the front door, and never return. Rated G. May contain creepy imagery and disturbing data visualizations. By Robin Sloan Narrated by Stephen Eley First appeared at Robin Sloan’s blog, June 8, 2009. IT’S 2:02 A.M. ON A COLD SUMMER NIGHT. I’m sitting in a book store next to a strip club. Not that kind of book store. The inventory here is incredibly old and impossibly rare. And it has a secret—a secret that I might have just discovered. I am alone in the store. And then, tap-tap, suddenly I’m not. And now I’m pretty sure I’m about to snap my laptop shut, run screaming out the front door, and never return. Rated G. May contain creepy imagery and disturbing data visualizations. tag:odeo.com,2009-09-09,25100578 Wed, 09 Sep 2009 22:03:40 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated G http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25065978-EP214-Sinner-Baker-Fablist-Priest-Red-Mask-Black-Mask-Gentleman-Beast by Eugie Foster Narrated by Lawrence Santoro Each morning is a decision. Should I put on the brown mask or the blue? Should I be a tradesman or an assassin today? Whatever the queen demands, of course, I am. But so often she ignores me, and I am left to figure out for myself who to be. Dozens upon dozens of faces to choose from. 1. Marigold is for murder. Rated R for sex, masks, and violence. by Eugie Foster Narrated by Lawrence Santoro Each morning is a decision. Should I put on the brown mask or the blue? Should I be a tradesman or an assassin today? Whatever the queen demands, of course, I am. But so often she ignores me, and I am left to figure out for myself who to be. Dozens upon dozens of faces to choose from. 1. Marigold is for murder. Rated R for sex, masks, and violence. by Eugie Foster Narrated by Lawrence Santoro Each morning is a decision. Should I put on the brown mask or the blue? Should I be a tradesman or an assassin today? Whatever the queen demands, of course, I am. But so often she ignores me, and I am left to figure out for myself who to be. Dozens upon dozens of faces to choose from. 1. Marigold is for murder. Rated R for sex, masks, and violence. tag:odeo.com,2009-09-03,25065978 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 04:30:32 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated R http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25033997-EP213-A-Monkey-Will-Never-Get-Rid-of-Its-Black-Hands by Rachel Swirsky Narrated by Alasdair Stuart Papa and Uncle Fomba told me if I didn’t join the army, they’d kill me. They didn’t. They cut off my hands. This was after U.S. forces marched on Syria, but before we invaded Lebanon. On every city block, posters of Uncle Sam entreated every Tom, Duc, and Haroun to get blown up in the name of freedom. Papa and Fomba gave me two weeks to enlist. I ran for Canada instead. They caught me. Rated R for amputation fads. by Rachel Swirsky Narrated by Alasdair Stuart Papa and Uncle Fomba told me if I didn’t join the army, they’d kill me. They didn’t. They cut off my hands. This was after U.S. forces marched on Syria, but before we invaded Lebanon. On every city block, posters of Uncle Sam entreated every Tom, Duc, and Haroun to get blown up in the name of freedom. Papa and Fomba gave me two weeks to enlist. I ran for Canada instead. They caught me. Rated R for amputation fads. by Rachel Swirsky Narrated by Alasdair Stuart Papa and Uncle Fomba told me if I didn’t join the army, they’d kill me. They didn’t. They cut off my hands. This was after U.S. forces marched on Syria, but before we invaded Lebanon. On every city block, posters of Uncle Sam entreated every Tom, Duc, and Haroun to get blown up in the name of freedom. Papa and Fomba gave me two weeks to enlist. I ran for Canada instead. They caught me. Rated R for amputation fads. tag:odeo.com,2009-08-27,25033997 Thu, 27 Aug 2009 19:28:09 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated R http://www.odeo.com/episodes/25004418-EA-Metacast-Aug-2009 A few announcements. The full text is on the forum. Please visit that link to comment, as well. Thanks! A few announcements. The full text is on the forum. Please visit that link to comment, as well. Thanks! A few announcements. The full text is on the forum. Please visit that link to comment, as well. Thanks! tag:odeo.com,2009-08-22,25004418 Sat, 22 Aug 2009 08:13:25 -0700 no Escape Pod Site News, SF/F News http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24993946-EP212-Skinhorse-Goes-to-Mars by Jay Lake read by Mike Bori When I met Skinhorse, my first thought was old. Which was weird. Nobody gets old these days. We all die young, some of us after living a long time, if we’re lucky. He was in Piet’s Number Seven, a bar-cum-caravanserai in an illegal orbit trailing far enough behind Vesta to be ignorable. Piet’s had been instantiated in an old volatiles bladder that had done the Jovian run a few too many times before falling into the surplus circuit. You could store entire cities in Piet’s cubage, which made for a somewhat attenuated bar experience. Plus the place had one of those gravity cans — yes, those gravity cans — which meant your drink stayed stuck down long as you were near a Higgs carpet. So there I was annoying myself with three perfectly disrespectable rock jocks, each of us out to fleece the others, when this cadaver starts to stand over me. We’re all forever young or forever dead, but this armstrong looked like he&#8... by Jay Lake read by Mike Bori When I met Skinhorse, my first thought was old. Which was weird. Nobody gets old these days. We all die young, some of us after living a long time, if we’re lucky. He was in Piet’s Number Seven, a bar-cum-caravanserai in an illegal orbit trailing far enough behind Vesta to be ignorable. Piet’s had been instantiated in an old volatiles bladder that had done the Jovian run a few too many times before falling into the surplus circuit. You could store entire cities in Piet’s cubage, which made for a somewhat attenuated bar experience. Plus the place had one of those gravity cans — yes, those gravity cans — which meant your drink stayed stuck down long as you were near a Higgs carpet. So there I was annoying myself with three perfectly disrespectable rock jocks, each of us out to fleece the others, when this cadaver starts to stand over me. We’re all forever young or forever dead, but this armstrong looked like he’d shaved about half a cent too deep across his whole body, then restored his dermis with spray-on thermal insulation. Rated R for strong language, strong violence, and world-spanning tumors. by Jay Lake read by Mike Bori When I met Skinhorse, my first thought was old. Which was weird. Nobody gets old these days. We all die young, some of us after living a long time, if we’re lucky. He was in Piet’s Number Seven, a bar-cum-caravanserai in an illegal orbit trailing far enough behind Vesta to be ignorable. Piet’s had been instantiated in an old volatiles bladder that had done the Jovian run a few too many times before falling into the surplus circuit. You could store entire cities in Piet’s cubage, which made for a somewhat attenuated bar experience. Plus the place had one of those gravity cans — yes, those gravity cans — which meant your drink stayed stuck down long as you were near a Higgs carpet. So there I was annoying myself with three perfectly disrespectable rock jocks, each of us out to fleece the others, when this cadaver starts to stand over me. We’re all forever young or forever dead, but this armstrong looked like he’d shaved about half a cent too deep across his whole body, then restored his dermis with spray-on thermal insulation. Rated R for strong language, strong violence, and world-spanning tumors. tag:odeo.com,2009-08-20,24993946 Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:18:05 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated R http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24955414-EP211-Carthago-Delenda-Est by Genevieve Valentine Read by Kate Baker Story originally appeared in Federations . Wren Hex-Yemenni woke early. They had to teach her everything from scratch, and there wasn’t time for her to learn anything new before she hit fifty and had to be expired. “Watch it,” the other techs told me when I was starting out. “You don’t want a Hex on your hands.” By then we were monitoring Wren Hepta-Yemenni. She fell into bed with Dorado ambassador 214, though I don’t know what he did to deserve it and she didn’t even seem sad when he expired. When they torched him she went over with the rest of the delegates, and they bowed or closed their eyes or pressed their tentacles to the floors of their glass cases, and afterwards they toasted him with champagne or liquid nitrogen. Before we expired Hepta, later that year, she smiled at me. “Make sure Octa’s not ugly, okay? Just in case—for 215.” Wren Octa-Yemenni hates him, so it’s not like it matters. Rated PG for political machinations and waiting... by Genevieve Valentine Read by Kate Baker Story originally appeared in Federations . Wren Hex-Yemenni woke early. They had to teach her everything from scratch, and there wasn’t time for her to learn anything new before she hit fifty and had to be expired. “Watch it,” the other techs told me when I was starting out. “You don’t want a Hex on your hands.” By then we were monitoring Wren Hepta-Yemenni. She fell into bed with Dorado ambassador 214, though I don’t know what he did to deserve it and she didn’t even seem sad when he expired. When they torched him she went over with the rest of the delegates, and they bowed or closed their eyes or pressed their tentacles to the floors of their glass cases, and afterwards they toasted him with champagne or liquid nitrogen. Before we expired Hepta, later that year, she smiled at me. “Make sure Octa’s not ugly, okay? Just in case—for 215.” Wren Octa-Yemenni hates him, so it’s not like it matters. Rated PG for political machinations and waiting… by Genevieve Valentine Read by Kate Baker Story originally appeared in Federations . Wren Hex-Yemenni woke early. They had to teach her everything from scratch, and there wasn’t time for her to learn anything new before she hit fifty and had to be expired. “Watch it,” the other techs told me when I was starting out. “You don’t want a Hex on your hands.” By then we were monitoring Wren Hepta-Yemenni. She fell into bed with Dorado ambassador 214, though I don’t know what he did to deserve it and she didn’t even seem sad when he expired. When they torched him she went over with the rest of the delegates, and they bowed or closed their eyes or pressed their tentacles to the floors of their glass cases, and afterwards they toasted him with champagne or liquid nitrogen. Before we expired Hepta, later that year, she smiled at me. “Make sure Octa’s not ugly, okay? Just in case—for 215.” Wren Octa-Yemenni hates him, so it’s not like it matters. Rated PG for political machinations and waiting… tag:odeo.com,2009-08-13,24955414 Thu, 13 Aug 2009 13:35:26 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24920193-EP210-The-Hastillan-Weed by Ian Creasey Narrated by MarBelle This story originally appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction (February 2006). “Since we have so many new faces,” I said to the half-dozen volunteers, “I’ll start with a tools talk. Safety points for the spade — the most important is that when you’re digging, you push with the ball of your foot.” I picked up a spade from the pile, and demonstrated by digging up a bluebell growing by the hedge. From the large bells all round the stem, I knew it was a Spanish bluebell, a garden escape that if left unchecked would hybridise with the natives. Too late now, though. You can tell the British bluebell because the flowers are smaller, deeper blue, and they’re usually on one side of the stem, so the plant droops under their weight as if bowing down before its foreign conqueror. There’s hardly a wood left in England where you’ll see only native bluebells. “Or you can use your heel on the sp... by Ian Creasey Narrated by MarBelle This story originally appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction (February 2006). “Since we have so many new faces,” I said to the half-dozen volunteers, “I’ll start with a tools talk. Safety points for the spade — the most important is that when you’re digging, you push with the ball of your foot.” I picked up a spade from the pile, and demonstrated by digging up a bluebell growing by the hedge. From the large bells all round the stem, I knew it was a Spanish bluebell, a garden escape that if left unchecked would hybridise with the natives. Too late now, though. You can tell the British bluebell because the flowers are smaller, deeper blue, and they’re usually on one side of the stem, so the plant droops under their weight as if bowing down before its foreign conqueror. There’s hardly a wood left in England where you’ll see only native bluebells. “Or you can use your heel on the spade.” I heaved the invader out of the earth and tossed it aside, knowing it would safely rot. “But you should never press down with the middle of your foot. The bones in the arch are delicate, and you can injure yourself.” Rated PG for plants with many uses. by Ian Creasey Narrated by MarBelle This story originally appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction (February 2006). “Since we have so many new faces,” I said to the half-dozen volunteers, “I’ll start with a tools talk. Safety points for the spade — the most important is that when you’re digging, you push with the ball of your foot.” I picked up a spade from the pile, and demonstrated by digging up a bluebell growing by the hedge. From the large bells all round the stem, I knew it was a Spanish bluebell, a garden escape that if left unchecked would hybridise with the natives. Too late now, though. You can tell the British bluebell because the flowers are smaller, deeper blue, and they’re usually on one side of the stem, so the plant droops under their weight as if bowing down before its foreign conqueror. There’s hardly a wood left in England where you’ll see only native bluebells. “Or you can use your heel on the spade.” I heaved the invader out of the earth and tossed it aside, knowing it would safely rot. “But you should never press down with the middle of your foot. The bones in the arch are delicate, and you can injure yourself.” Rated PG for plants with many uses. tag:odeo.com,2009-08-06,24920193 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 13:05:11 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24885304-EP209-On-the-Eyeball-Floor by Tina Connolly read by Norm Sherman Closing song by Andrew Richardson We’ve got robotic arms to put the eyeballs in. Metal clamps to pulldown the eyelids. Tony, on Four, keeps the grease vats filled. Oil squirts nineteen times a minute to keep the eye sockets from squeaking. Tiny slick needles stitch on the lashes, while millions of different irises get stamped in magenta and yellow and cyan, so no two will ever be alike, just like us. All that, and they can’t engineer anything—or anyone—to take over my job. People in Organs go home coated with grease and vinegar; people in Bones have lost fingers to the machines, and still nobody wants the job where a hundred half-live cyborgs line up in rows, twitching when your back is turned. Waiting for someone to talk to them, feel for them. Transcend them to life. There are safety signs around the factory. “Scrub Up.” “Know Thyself.” “Don’t Blink.” That last is the best piece of advice, ... by Tina Connolly read by Norm Sherman Closing song by Andrew Richardson We’ve got robotic arms to put the eyeballs in. Metal clamps to pulldown the eyelids. Tony, on Four, keeps the grease vats filled. Oil squirts nineteen times a minute to keep the eye sockets from squeaking. Tiny slick needles stitch on the lashes, while millions of different irises get stamped in magenta and yellow and cyan, so no two will ever be alike, just like us. All that, and they can’t engineer anything—or anyone—to take over my job. People in Organs go home coated with grease and vinegar; people in Bones have lost fingers to the machines, and still nobody wants the job where a hundred half-live cyborgs line up in rows, twitching when your back is turned. Waiting for someone to talk to them, feel for them. Transcend them to life. There are safety signs around the factory. “Scrub Up.” “Know Thyself.” “Don’t Blink.” That last is the best piece of advice, here on the eyeball floor. Rated PG for for angry awakening sentience and some swearing. by Tina Connolly read by Norm Sherman Closing song by Andrew Richardson We’ve got robotic arms to put the eyeballs in. Metal clamps to pulldown the eyelids. Tony, on Four, keeps the grease vats filled. Oil squirts nineteen times a minute to keep the eye sockets from squeaking. Tiny slick needles stitch on the lashes, while millions of different irises get stamped in magenta and yellow and cyan, so no two will ever be alike, just like us. All that, and they can’t engineer anything—or anyone—to take over my job. People in Organs go home coated with grease and vinegar; people in Bones have lost fingers to the machines, and still nobody wants the job where a hundred half-live cyborgs line up in rows, twitching when your back is turned. Waiting for someone to talk to them, feel for them. Transcend them to life. There are safety signs around the factory. “Scrub Up.” “Know Thyself.” “Don’t Blink.” That last is the best piece of advice, here on the eyeball floor. Rated PG for for angry awakening sentience and some swearing. tag:odeo.com,2009-07-30,24885304 Thu, 30 Jul 2009 03:00:39 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24851367-EP208-An-Almanac-for-the-Alien-Invaders By Merrie Haskell Read by Sarah Tolbert Previously appeared in Asimov’s. In January, there will be an annular solar eclipse, with the path of annularity moving through the Indian Ocean and into Sumatra and Borneo. Two days later, aliens will invade Earth. No spaceships will loom large in blue skies, nor hover over our cities. At night, though, when we see blinking dots of light near the horizon, as small and pale as any star, we’ll think they’re planes or satellites of human origin. They won’t be. These are alien ships, come for conquest. That is all we can see. What we hear is just as faint and difficult to resolve: we hear rumors. Or rather, one persistent rumor: “the aliens want volunteers.” Naturally, I and my junior faculty friends need to drink quantities of beer to discuss this in detail. I expound that it’s a hoax. Rated PG-13 for adult concepts and alien recruiters. By Merrie Haskell Read by Sarah Tolbert Previously appeared in Asimov’s. In January, there will be an annular solar eclipse, with the path of annularity moving through the Indian Ocean and into Sumatra and Borneo. Two days later, aliens will invade Earth. No spaceships will loom large in blue skies, nor hover over our cities. At night, though, when we see blinking dots of light near the horizon, as small and pale as any star, we’ll think they’re planes or satellites of human origin. They won’t be. These are alien ships, come for conquest. That is all we can see. What we hear is just as faint and difficult to resolve: we hear rumors. Or rather, one persistent rumor: “the aliens want volunteers.” Naturally, I and my junior faculty friends need to drink quantities of beer to discuss this in detail. I expound that it’s a hoax. Rated PG-13 for adult concepts and alien recruiters. By Merrie Haskell Read by Sarah Tolbert Previously appeared in Asimov’s. In January, there will be an annular solar eclipse, with the path of annularity moving through the Indian Ocean and into Sumatra and Borneo. Two days later, aliens will invade Earth. No spaceships will loom large in blue skies, nor hover over our cities. At night, though, when we see blinking dots of light near the horizon, as small and pale as any star, we’ll think they’re planes or satellites of human origin. They won’t be. These are alien ships, come for conquest. That is all we can see. What we hear is just as faint and difficult to resolve: we hear rumors. Or rather, one persistent rumor: “the aliens want volunteers.” Naturally, I and my junior faculty friends need to drink quantities of beer to discuss this in detail. I expound that it’s a hoax. Rated PG-13 for adult concepts and alien recruiters. tag:odeo.com,2009-07-23,24851367 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:49:08 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24829802-EP207-Wonder-Maul-Doll By Kameron Hurley Read by Kim the Comic Book Goddess Appeared originally in From the Trenches We set down in Pekoi as part of the organics inquisition team, still stinking of the last city. We’re all muscle. Not brains. The brains are out eating at the foreigners’ push downtown, and they don’t care if we whore around the tourist dregs half the night so long as somebody’s sober enough to haul them out come morning. When the brains aren’t eating, they’re pretending to give us directions in the field, telling us where to sniff out organics. They’re writing reports about how dangerous Pekoi is to the civilized world. We’re swapping off some boy in a backwater push the locals cleared out for us. We’re sitting around a low table. I pass off another card to Kep. Luce swaps out a suit. She has to sit on one leg to lean over the table. It’s hot in the low room, so humid that moths clutter aroundour feet, too heavy to fly. The boy’s making little mewling sounds again. Somebody should sh... By Kameron Hurley Read by Kim the Comic Book Goddess Appeared originally in From the Trenches We set down in Pekoi as part of the organics inquisition team, still stinking of the last city. We’re all muscle. Not brains. The brains are out eating at the foreigners’ push downtown, and they don’t care if we whore around the tourist dregs half the night so long as somebody’s sober enough to haul them out come morning. When the brains aren’t eating, they’re pretending to give us directions in the field, telling us where to sniff out organics. They’re writing reports about how dangerous Pekoi is to the civilized world. We’re swapping off some boy in a backwater push the locals cleared out for us. We’re sitting around a low table. I pass off another card to Kep. Luce swaps out a suit. She has to sit on one leg to lean over the table. It’s hot in the low room, so humid that moths clutter aroundour feet, too heavy to fly. The boy’s making little mewling sounds again. Somebody should shut him up, but not me. This is my hand. I’m ahead. Rated R for violence and sexual situations. By Kameron Hurley Read by Kim the Comic Book Goddess Appeared originally in From the Trenches We set down in Pekoi as part of the organics inquisition team, still stinking of the last city. We’re all muscle. Not brains. The brains are out eating at the foreigners’ push downtown, and they don’t care if we whore around the tourist dregs half the night so long as somebody’s sober enough to haul them out come morning. When the brains aren’t eating, they’re pretending to give us directions in the field, telling us where to sniff out organics. They’re writing reports about how dangerous Pekoi is to the civilized world. We’re swapping off some boy in a backwater push the locals cleared out for us. We’re sitting around a low table. I pass off another card to Kep. Luce swaps out a suit. She has to sit on one leg to lean over the table. It’s hot in the low room, so humid that moths clutter aroundour feet, too heavy to fly. The boy’s making little mewling sounds again. Somebody should shut him up, but not me. This is my hand. I’m ahead. Rated R for violence and sexual situations. tag:odeo.com,2009-07-19,24829802 Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:25:08 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated R, Hugo Awards http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24784012-EP206-Rogue-Farm By Charles Stross Recorded at Balticon 43, May 23, 2009 Read by: Joe - Jared Axelrod (of The Voice of Free Planet X) Maddie - J.R. Blackwell (of Voices of Tomorrow) The Farm - Evo Terra and Sheila Dee (of Evo at 11, et al.) Maddie - J.R. Blackwell (of Voices of Tomorrow) Brenda the Barkeep - Dee Reed (of Nobilis Erotica) Wendy the Rat - Laura Burns Art the Boy Toy - John Cmar Bob the Dog - Earl Newton (of Stranger Things) Narrator - Stephen Eley Special Thanks To: Paul Fischer (of The Balticon Podcast) for instigating and organizing Nobilis Reed (of Nobilis Erotica) for engineering First appeared in Live Without a Net , ed. Lou Anders Now available in Wireless , by Charles Stross “Buggerit, I don’t have time for this,” Joe muttered. The stable waiting for the small herd of cloned spidercows cluttering up the north paddock was still knee-deep in manure, and the tractor seat wasn’t getting any warmer while he shivered out here waiting for Maddie to come and sor... By Charles Stross Recorded at Balticon 43, May 23, 2009 Read by: Joe - Jared Axelrod (of The Voice of Free Planet X) Maddie - J.R. Blackwell (of Voices of Tomorrow) The Farm - Evo Terra and Sheila Dee (of Evo at 11, et al.) Maddie - J.R. Blackwell (of Voices of Tomorrow) Brenda the Barkeep - Dee Reed (of Nobilis Erotica) Wendy the Rat - Laura Burns Art the Boy Toy - John Cmar Bob the Dog - Earl Newton (of Stranger Things) Narrator - Stephen Eley Special Thanks To: Paul Fischer (of The Balticon Podcast) for instigating and organizing Nobilis Reed (of Nobilis Erotica) for engineering First appeared in Live Without a Net , ed. Lou Anders Now available in Wireless , by Charles Stross “Buggerit, I don’t have time for this,” Joe muttered. The stable waiting for the small herd of cloned spidercows cluttering up the north paddock was still knee-deep in manure, and the tractor seat wasn’t getting any warmer while he shivered out here waiting for Maddie to come and sort this thing out. It wasn’t a big herd, but it was as big as his land and his labour could manage – the big biofabricator in the shed could assemble mammalian livestock faster than he could feed them up and sell them with an honest HAND-RAISED NOT VAT-GROWN label. “What do you want with us?” he yelled up at the gently buzzing farm. “Brains, fresh brains for baby Jesus,” crooned the farm in a warm contralto, startling Joe half out of his skin. “Buy my brains!” Half a dozen disturbing cauliflower shapes poked suggestively out of the farms’ back then retracted again, coyly. “Don’t want no brains around here,” Joe said stubbornly, his fingers whitening on the stock of the shotgun. “Don’t want your kind round here, neither. Go away.” Rated PG for strong language, chemical violence, and drug-abusing dogs. By Charles Stross Recorded at Balticon 43, May 23, 2009 Read by: Joe - Jared Axelrod (of The Voice of Free Planet X) Maddie - J.R. Blackwell (of Voices of Tomorrow) The Farm - Evo Terra and Sheila Dee (of Evo at 11, et al.) Maddie - J.R. Blackwell (of Voices of Tomorrow) Brenda the Barkeep - Dee Reed (of Nobilis Erotica) Wendy the Rat - Laura Burns Art the Boy Toy - John Cmar Bob the Dog - Earl Newton (of Stranger Things) Narrator - Stephen Eley Special Thanks To: Paul Fischer (of The Balticon Podcast) for instigating and organizing Nobilis Reed (of Nobilis Erotica) for engineering First appeared in Live Without a Net , ed. Lou Anders Now available in Wireless , by Charles Stross “Buggerit, I don’t have time for this,” Joe muttered. The stable waiting for the small herd of cloned spidercows cluttering up the north paddock was still knee-deep in manure, and the tractor seat wasn’t getting any warmer while he shivered out here waiting for Maddie to come and sort this thing out. It wasn’t a big herd, but it was as big as his land and his labour could manage – the big biofabricator in the shed could assemble mammalian livestock faster than he could feed them up and sell them with an honest HAND-RAISED NOT VAT-GROWN label. “What do you want with us?” he yelled up at the gently buzzing farm. “Brains, fresh brains for baby Jesus,” crooned the farm in a warm contralto, startling Joe half out of his skin. “Buy my brains!” Half a dozen disturbing cauliflower shapes poked suggestively out of the farms’ back then retracted again, coyly. “Don’t want no brains around here,” Joe said stubbornly, his fingers whitening on the stock of the shotgun. “Don’t want your kind round here, neither. Go away.” Rated PG for strong language, chemical violence, and drug-abusing dogs. tag:odeo.com,2009-07-11,24784012 Sat, 11 Jul 2009 14:00:10 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24746729-EP-200-All-You-Zombies By Robert A. Heinlein Read by Steve Eley I was polishing a brandy snifter when the Unmarried Mother came in. I noted the time—10:17 P. M. zone five, or eastern time, November 7th, 1970. Temporal agents always notice time and date; we must. The Unmarried Mother was a man twenty–five years old, no taller than I am, childish features and a touchy temper. I didn’t like his looks—I never had—but he was a lad I was here to recruit, he was my boy. I gave him my best barkeep’s smile. Maybe I’m too critical. He wasn’t swish; his nickname came from what he always said when some nosy type asked him his line: “I’m an unmarried mother.” If he felt less than murderous he would add: “at four cents a word. I write confession stories.” If he felt nasty, he would wait for somebody to make something of it. He had a lethal style of infighting, like a female cop—reason I wanted him. Not the only one. He had a load on, and his face showed that he despised people more than usual. Silently I poured a doubl... By Robert A. Heinlein Read by Steve Eley I was polishing a brandy snifter when the Unmarried Mother came in. I noted the time—10:17 P. M. zone five, or eastern time, November 7th, 1970. Temporal agents always notice time and date; we must. The Unmarried Mother was a man twenty–five years old, no taller than I am, childish features and a touchy temper. I didn’t like his looks—I never had—but he was a lad I was here to recruit, he was my boy. I gave him my best barkeep’s smile. Maybe I’m too critical. He wasn’t swish; his nickname came from what he always said when some nosy type asked him his line: “I’m an unmarried mother.” If he felt less than murderous he would add: “at four cents a word. I write confession stories.” If he felt nasty, he would wait for somebody to make something of it. He had a lethal style of infighting, like a female cop—reason I wanted him. Not the only one. He had a load on, and his face showed that he despised people more than usual. Silently I poured a double shot of Old Underwear and left the bottle. He drank it, poured another. By Robert A. Heinlein Read by Steve Eley I was polishing a brandy snifter when the Unmarried Mother came in. I noted the time—10:17 P. M. zone five, or eastern time, November 7th, 1970. Temporal agents always notice time and date; we must. The Unmarried Mother was a man twenty–five years old, no taller than I am, childish features and a touchy temper. I didn’t like his looks—I never had—but he was a lad I was here to recruit, he was my boy. I gave him my best barkeep’s smile. Maybe I’m too critical. He wasn’t swish; his nickname came from what he always said when some nosy type asked him his line: “I’m an unmarried mother.” If he felt less than murderous he would add: “at four cents a word. I write confession stories.” If he felt nasty, he would wait for somebody to make something of it. He had a lethal style of infighting, like a female cop—reason I wanted him. Not the only one. He had a load on, and his face showed that he despised people more than usual. Silently I poured a double shot of Old Underwear and left the bottle. He drank it, poured another. tag:odeo.com,2009-07-02,24746729 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:32:51 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24742758-Worlds-of-Tomorrow-Eternal-Sunshine-of-the-Spotless-Mind By Alasdair Stuart Read by Alasdair Stuart Welcome to Worlds of Tomorrow, an occasional feature we’ll be running looking at some of the best in science fiction cinema. From acknowledged classics to forgotten gems we’ll be covering them all. Some of them you’ll have seen, some you won’t, some you’ll agree with me on and some you’ll wonder what I was drinking when I watched them but that’s half the fun. Spoilers abound so if you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, go rent it now, we’ll be here when you get back. Otherwise, prepare for a good night’s sleep and pay no attention to the nice men from Lacuna Corp… By Alasdair Stuart Read by Alasdair Stuart Welcome to Worlds of Tomorrow, an occasional feature we’ll be running looking at some of the best in science fiction cinema. From acknowledged classics to forgotten gems we’ll be covering them all. Some of them you’ll have seen, some you won’t, some you’ll agree with me on and some you’ll wonder what I was drinking when I watched them but that’s half the fun. Spoilers abound so if you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, go rent it now, we’ll be here when you get back. Otherwise, prepare for a good night’s sleep and pay no attention to the nice men from Lacuna Corp… By Alasdair Stuart Read by Alasdair Stuart Welcome to Worlds of Tomorrow, an occasional feature we’ll be running looking at some of the best in science fiction cinema. From acknowledged classics to forgotten gems we’ll be covering them all. Some of them you’ll have seen, some you won’t, some you’ll agree with me on and some you’ll wonder what I was drinking when I watched them but that’s half the fun. Spoilers abound so if you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, go rent it now, we’ll be here when you get back. Otherwise, prepare for a good night’s sleep and pay no attention to the nice men from Lacuna Corp… tag:odeo.com,2009-06-27,24742758 Sat, 27 Jun 2009 21:01:00 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Reviews http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24742759-EP-205-Requiem-in-D-minor-for-prions-whale-and-burning-bush By Ian McHugh Read by Frank Key of Hooting Yard First appeared in Hub #24. Kevin switched the audio over to the projector. The lecture hall was filled with outdoor noises. Wind hummed softly over the microphone, cattle lowed nearby, a truck accelerated in the distance. A roan steer staggered around a concreted yard, its mute distress accompanied by clattering hooves and the fleshy slap of its thigh striking the ground when it fell. A new sound was introduced - incongruous, but familiar to Kevin’s audience. Whale song. Gradually, the cow’s shaking stilled, until it could stand securely. Its muscles continued to tremble, but not enough to upset its equilibrium while it listened. Rated PG-13 for violence and mad cow disease. By Ian McHugh Read by Frank Key of Hooting Yard First appeared in Hub #24. Kevin switched the audio over to the projector. The lecture hall was filled with outdoor noises. Wind hummed softly over the microphone, cattle lowed nearby, a truck accelerated in the distance. A roan steer staggered around a concreted yard, its mute distress accompanied by clattering hooves and the fleshy slap of its thigh striking the ground when it fell. A new sound was introduced - incongruous, but familiar to Kevin’s audience. Whale song. Gradually, the cow’s shaking stilled, until it could stand securely. Its muscles continued to tremble, but not enough to upset its equilibrium while it listened. Rated PG-13 for violence and mad cow disease. By Ian McHugh Read by Frank Key of Hooting Yard First appeared in Hub #24. Kevin switched the audio over to the projector. The lecture hall was filled with outdoor noises. Wind hummed softly over the microphone, cattle lowed nearby, a truck accelerated in the distance. A roan steer staggered around a concreted yard, its mute distress accompanied by clattering hooves and the fleshy slap of its thigh striking the ground when it fell. A new sound was introduced - incongruous, but familiar to Kevin’s audience. Whale song. Gradually, the cow’s shaking stilled, until it could stand securely. Its muscles continued to tremble, but not enough to upset its equilibrium while it listened. Rated PG-13 for violence and mad cow disease. tag:odeo.com,2009-06-25,24742759 Thu, 25 Jun 2009 12:40:46 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24725532-EP-204-The-Fifth-Zhi By David Rivera Read by Steve Eley First appeared in Interzone Zhi 4’s scream pierces the Siberian night. My spiked metal boots crunch through the snow as I race towards him, with Zhi 6 running at my side. The nanochip in my brainstem clicks on, and I reach out with my mind, but I can’t sense even a trace of Zhi 4. A few seconds earlier his form had been outlined by the dark turquoise glow of the force field. We stop twenty feet short of the field’s perimeter. Beyond it, the hazy silhouette of the colossal Stalk looms, its millions of cilia undulating. My bodysuit hums as it transmits data back to Xiang Xu Base, situated behind the Rusanov ice cap half a mile away. My pulse flutters in anticipation and I take a deep breath to try to rein in my excitement. I — like all Zhis — have been designed with an insatiable curiosity about the Stalk’s origins and vulnerabilities. Knowing I’ve been bred to feel this way doesn’t make me feel it any ... By David Rivera Read by Steve Eley First appeared in Interzone Zhi 4’s scream pierces the Siberian night. My spiked metal boots crunch through the snow as I race towards him, with Zhi 6 running at my side. The nanochip in my brainstem clicks on, and I reach out with my mind, but I can’t sense even a trace of Zhi 4. A few seconds earlier his form had been outlined by the dark turquoise glow of the force field. We stop twenty feet short of the field’s perimeter. Beyond it, the hazy silhouette of the colossal Stalk looms, its millions of cilia undulating. My bodysuit hums as it transmits data back to Xiang Xu Base, situated behind the Rusanov ice cap half a mile away. My pulse flutters in anticipation and I take a deep breath to try to rein in my excitement. I — like all Zhis — have been designed with an insatiable curiosity about the Stalk’s origins and vulnerabilities. Knowing I’ve been bred to feel this way doesn’t make me feel it any less. Where did the Stalk come from? Why is it here? How can it thrive in these temperatures? I see the same questions reflected in Zhi 6’s expression. Rated PG-13 for cloning and some adult themes. By David Rivera Read by Steve Eley First appeared in Interzone Zhi 4’s scream pierces the Siberian night. My spiked metal boots crunch through the snow as I race towards him, with Zhi 6 running at my side. The nanochip in my brainstem clicks on, and I reach out with my mind, but I can’t sense even a trace of Zhi 4. A few seconds earlier his form had been outlined by the dark turquoise glow of the force field. We stop twenty feet short of the field’s perimeter. Beyond it, the hazy silhouette of the colossal Stalk looms, its millions of cilia undulating. My bodysuit hums as it transmits data back to Xiang Xu Base, situated behind the Rusanov ice cap half a mile away. My pulse flutters in anticipation and I take a deep breath to try to rein in my excitement. I — like all Zhis — have been designed with an insatiable curiosity about the Stalk’s origins and vulnerabilities. Knowing I’ve been bred to feel this way doesn’t make me feel it any less. Where did the Stalk come from? Why is it here? How can it thrive in these temperatures? I see the same questions reflected in Zhi 6’s expression. Rated PG-13 for cloning and some adult themes. tag:odeo.com,2009-06-18,24725532 Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:59:45 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24704796-Escape-Pod-Flash-Tired By Michael Bishop Read by John Meagher One morning, Gordon Pointer received an e-message from the left-front Goodstone tire on his old Callisto sedan. (He had bought the car used over a decade ago and retrofitted it for the intelligent interstates of the Piedmont metrosprawl.) Gordon abhorred palmflips, infraspecs, logomaniacs, microserfs, lapcops, and digital Kleenex, but he lived at the computerminal in his Callisto, journeying between office foci to talk with other human fossils like himself. He did not quail before occasional sitreps from his lead tire. Rated PG for a worryingly low miles per gallon By Michael Bishop Read by John Meagher One morning, Gordon Pointer received an e-message from the left-front Goodstone tire on his old Callisto sedan. (He had bought the car used over a decade ago and retrofitted it for the intelligent interstates of the Piedmont metrosprawl.) Gordon abhorred palmflips, infraspecs, logomaniacs, microserfs, lapcops, and digital Kleenex, but he lived at the computerminal in his Callisto, journeying between office foci to talk with other human fossils like himself. He did not quail before occasional sitreps from his lead tire. Rated PG for a worryingly low miles per gallon By Michael Bishop Read by John Meagher One morning, Gordon Pointer received an e-message from the left-front Goodstone tire on his old Callisto sedan. (He had bought the car used over a decade ago and retrofitted it for the intelligent interstates of the Piedmont metrosprawl.) Gordon abhorred palmflips, infraspecs, logomaniacs, microserfs, lapcops, and digital Kleenex, but he lived at the computerminal in his Callisto, journeying between office foci to talk with other human fossils like himself. He did not quail before occasional sitreps from his lead tire. Rated PG for a worryingly low miles per gallon tag:odeo.com,2009-06-14,24704796 Sun, 14 Jun 2009 21:01:29 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated PG, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24693529-EP-203-The-Legend-of-St-Ignatz By Samantha Henderson Read by Ray Sizemore (of X-Ray Visions). Intro by Norm Sherman of Drabblecast. Closing song, Jesus Clones First appeared in Ideomancer “You’re a disgrace to your calling and your species.” The Cardinal’s words were at odds with the verging-on-seductive voice of the translator embedded in the Anturean’s Chlor-tank. From beneath lowered lashes Ignatz O’Reilly, D.D. Inter-Species, watched his superior’s mouth-tendrils vibrate, a gesture he knew denoted extreme lust or mounting rage. Lust was out of the question, he supposed. “Falling-down drunk at Mass. Passing out in Confession. And don’t think your little black-market dealings go unnoticed.” The Cardinal’s posterior spines flushed blue. Ignatz averted his eyes even further, studying the faint brown lines crisscrossing each other on a slate floor the color of dried blood. The mutant squid bastard really was mad this time. “If I might be permi... By Samantha Henderson Read by Ray Sizemore (of X-Ray Visions). Intro by Norm Sherman of Drabblecast. Closing song, Jesus Clones First appeared in Ideomancer “You’re a disgrace to your calling and your species.” The Cardinal’s words were at odds with the verging-on-seductive voice of the translator embedded in the Anturean’s Chlor-tank. From beneath lowered lashes Ignatz O’Reilly, D.D. Inter-Species, watched his superior’s mouth-tendrils vibrate, a gesture he knew denoted extreme lust or mounting rage. Lust was out of the question, he supposed. “Falling-down drunk at Mass. Passing out in Confession. And don’t think your little black-market dealings go unnoticed.” The Cardinal’s posterior spines flushed blue. Ignatz averted his eyes even further, studying the faint brown lines crisscrossing each other on a slate floor the color of dried blood. The mutant squid bastard really was mad this time. “If I might be permitted to explain, Your Eminence…” Ignatz’s tongue tasted like last night’s liquor. “I indulge for purely medicinal reasons…a slight asthmatic condition…any allegations that I would engage in illegal…” Rated R for religious themes, carousing, and transubstantiaton of a different sort. By Samantha Henderson Read by Ray Sizemore (of X-Ray Visions). Intro by Norm Sherman of Drabblecast. Closing song, Jesus Clones First appeared in Ideomancer “You’re a disgrace to your calling and your species.” The Cardinal’s words were at odds with the verging-on-seductive voice of the translator embedded in the Anturean’s Chlor-tank. From beneath lowered lashes Ignatz O’Reilly, D.D. Inter-Species, watched his superior’s mouth-tendrils vibrate, a gesture he knew denoted extreme lust or mounting rage. Lust was out of the question, he supposed. “Falling-down drunk at Mass. Passing out in Confession. And don’t think your little black-market dealings go unnoticed.” The Cardinal’s posterior spines flushed blue. Ignatz averted his eyes even further, studying the faint brown lines crisscrossing each other on a slate floor the color of dried blood. The mutant squid bastard really was mad this time. “If I might be permitted to explain, Your Eminence…” Ignatz’s tongue tasted like last night’s liquor. “I indulge for purely medicinal reasons…a slight asthmatic condition…any allegations that I would engage in illegal…” Rated R for religious themes, carousing, and transubstantiaton of a different sort. tag:odeo.com,2009-06-11,24693529 Thu, 11 Jun 2009 20:50:43 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24669561-Endorsement-Personal-Effects-Dark-Art NOTE FROM STEVE: This is not this week’s Escape Pod story. This is me talking about something I like. Feel free to skip this post if it isn’t fun for you. There are a number of good writers now breaking into the big leagues through podcasting. My friend J.C. Hutchins is one of them. I loved his 7th Son trilogy, and I jumped at the chance when he asked me to read an advance copy of his horror novel Personal Effects: Dark Art and record a reaction for him. Here’s my initial reaction (Hutch liked it enough that he added the background music and bumper titling and such): J.C. Hutchins’s “Personal Effects: Dark Art” - Expert Testimony from Stephen Eley on Vimeo. And here’s the big group “vlurb” project that my piece was a part of: J.C. Hutchins’s “Personal Effects: Dark Art” - SuperVlurb from Stephen Eley on Vimeo. (The folks in that vlurb are all awesome and you should check out their sites: Philippa Ballantine, Sco... NOTE FROM STEVE: This is not this week’s Escape Pod story. This is me talking about something I like. Feel free to skip this post if it isn’t fun for you. There are a number of good writers now breaking into the big leagues through podcasting. My friend J.C. Hutchins is one of them. I loved his 7th Son trilogy, and I jumped at the chance when he asked me to read an advance copy of his horror novel Personal Effects: Dark Art and record a reaction for him. Here’s my initial reaction (Hutch liked it enough that he added the background music and bumper titling and such): J.C. Hutchins’s “Personal Effects: Dark Art” - Expert Testimony from Stephen Eley on Vimeo. And here’s the big group “vlurb” project that my piece was a part of: J.C. Hutchins’s “Personal Effects: Dark Art” - SuperVlurb from Stephen Eley on Vimeo. (The folks in that vlurb are all awesome and you should check out their sites: Philippa Ballantine, Scott Sigler, Seth Harwood, Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff, Christiana Ellis, Matt Wallace, James Melzer, Mark Jeffrey, Mur Lafferty, Phil Rossi and Matt Selznick.) I read the book in PDF form. And then I pre-ordered it on Amazon, because it’s just that good. (Also because the little goodies that come with the physical copy sound like fun.) This is an unusual horror novel: it brings in a lot of conventional settings and tropes, but the characters break from formula in some surprising ways. And it’s a smart horror novel. Silliness in hats aside, I highly recommend it. NOTE FROM STEVE: This is not this week’s Escape Pod story. This is me talking about something I like. Feel free to skip this post if it isn’t fun for you. There are a number of good writers now breaking into the big leagues through podcasting. My friend J.C. Hutchins is one of them. I loved his 7th Son trilogy, and I jumped at the chance when he asked me to read an advance copy of his horror novel Personal Effects: Dark Art and record a reaction for him. Here’s my initial reaction (Hutch liked it enough that he added the background music and bumper titling and such): J.C. Hutchins’s “Personal Effects: Dark Art” - Expert Testimony from Stephen Eley on Vimeo. And here’s the big group “vlurb” project that my piece was a part of: J.C. Hutchins’s “Personal Effects: Dark Art” - SuperVlurb from Stephen Eley on Vimeo. (The folks in that vlurb are all awesome and you should check out their sites: Philippa Ballantine, Scott Sigler, Seth Harwood, Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff, Christiana Ellis, Matt Wallace, James Melzer, Mark Jeffrey, Mur Lafferty, Phil Rossi and Matt Selznick.) I read the book in PDF form. And then I pre-ordered it on Amazon, because it’s just that good. (Also because the little goodies that come with the physical copy sound like fun.) This is an unusual horror novel: it brings in a lot of conventional settings and tropes, but the characters break from formula in some surprising ways. And it’s a smart horror novel. Silliness in hats aside, I highly recommend it. tag:odeo.com,2009-06-09,24669561 Tue, 09 Jun 2009 07:00:50 -0700 no Escape Pod SF/F News, shoutouts http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24663757-Escape-Pod-Flash-One-Trick-Dog By Bruce Boston Read by J.C. Hutchins Mr. Wayne was taking his daily exercise, walking Arthur around the lake in Nevley Park, when the sky darkened and a light snow began to fall. A few flakes fluttered against his cheeks. He could feel the cold through his heavy topcoat. He enjoyed the park when it was deserted, but at his age he couldn’t afford a chill. He thumbed the control in his pocket. Arthur turned left onto a bridge that would cut their return journey by a good half mile. Mr. Wayne followed. Rated K9 for dogs at the cutting edge. By Bruce Boston Read by J.C. Hutchins Mr. Wayne was taking his daily exercise, walking Arthur around the lake in Nevley Park, when the sky darkened and a light snow began to fall. A few flakes fluttered against his cheeks. He could feel the cold through his heavy topcoat. He enjoyed the park when it was deserted, but at his age he couldn’t afford a chill. He thumbed the control in his pocket. Arthur turned left onto a bridge that would cut their return journey by a good half mile. Mr. Wayne followed. Rated K9 for dogs at the cutting edge. By Bruce Boston Read by J.C. Hutchins Mr. Wayne was taking his daily exercise, walking Arthur around the lake in Nevley Park, when the sky darkened and a light snow began to fall. A few flakes fluttered against his cheeks. He could feel the cold through his heavy topcoat. He enjoyed the park when it was deserted, but at his age he couldn’t afford a chill. He thumbed the control in his pocket. Arthur turned left onto a bridge that would cut their return journey by a good half mile. Mr. Wayne followed. Rated K9 for dogs at the cutting edge. tag:odeo.com,2009-06-07,24663757 Sun, 07 Jun 2009 21:01:08 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated PG, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24655639-Episode-202-Will-You-Be-an-Astronaut By Greg van Eekhout Read by Christiana Ellis First appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Astronauts are people who ride rockets into space.  They must train for a very long time before they go.  Astronauts must be brave and smart. Will you be an astronaut? * * * The biggest rocket ever was the Saturn V.  On the launch pad it was taller than a 30-story building.  Today’s rockets are smaller and lighter.  Today’s rockets can be launched more than once.  They have wings and can come back to earth and land like airplanes. When a rocket launches, it’s like an earthquake. The ground is shaking! There is flame and smoke. It’s like an explosion! Antonio is strapped into his seat.  He is about to ride to a space station.  Because there is no air in space, Antonio must wear a space suit.  In the suit, Antonio can breathe and talk over radio.  He wears a helmet with a special faceplate that protects him from the sun.  The fingers of his gloves have ... By Greg van Eekhout Read by Christiana Ellis First appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Astronauts are people who ride rockets into space.  They must train for a very long time before they go.  Astronauts must be brave and smart. Will you be an astronaut? * * * The biggest rocket ever was the Saturn V.  On the launch pad it was taller than a 30-story building.  Today’s rockets are smaller and lighter.  Today’s rockets can be launched more than once.  They have wings and can come back to earth and land like airplanes. When a rocket launches, it’s like an earthquake. The ground is shaking! There is flame and smoke. It’s like an explosion! Antonio is strapped into his seat.  He is about to ride to a space station.  Because there is no air in space, Antonio must wear a space suit.  In the suit, Antonio can breathe and talk over radio.  He wears a helmet with a special faceplate that protects him from the sun.  The fingers of his gloves have tiny claws that help him work with small objects. What’s all that noise? It must be a rocket! Astronauts are traveling to space! 5-4-3-2-1!  Lift off! Rated PG-13. Deceptively G… By Greg van Eekhout Read by Christiana Ellis First appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Astronauts are people who ride rockets into space.  They must train for a very long time before they go.  Astronauts must be brave and smart. Will you be an astronaut? * * * The biggest rocket ever was the Saturn V.  On the launch pad it was taller than a 30-story building.  Today’s rockets are smaller and lighter.  Today’s rockets can be launched more than once.  They have wings and can come back to earth and land like airplanes. When a rocket launches, it’s like an earthquake. The ground is shaking! There is flame and smoke. It’s like an explosion! Antonio is strapped into his seat.  He is about to ride to a space station.  Because there is no air in space, Antonio must wear a space suit.  In the suit, Antonio can breathe and talk over radio.  He wears a helmet with a special faceplate that protects him from the sun.  The fingers of his gloves have tiny claws that help him work with small objects. What’s all that noise? It must be a rocket! Astronauts are traveling to space! 5-4-3-2-1!  Lift off! Rated PG-13. Deceptively G… tag:odeo.com,2009-06-04,24655639 Thu, 04 Jun 2009 21:23:39 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24653696-Episode-202-Will-You-Be-an-Astronaut By Greg van Eekhout Read by Christiana Ellis First appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Astronauts are people who ride rockets into space.  They must train for a very long time before they go.  Astronauts must be brave and smart. Will you be an astronaut? * * * The biggest rocket ever was the Saturn V.  On the launch pad it was taller than a 30-story building.  Today’s rockets are smaller and lighter.  Today’s rockets can be launched more than once.  They have wings and can come back to earth and land like airplanes. When a rocket launches, it’s like an earthquake. The ground is shaking! There is flame and smoke. It’s like an explosion! Antonio is strapped into his seat.  He is about to ride to a space station.  Because there is no air in space, Antonio must wear a space suit.  In the suit, Antonio can breathe and talk over radio.  He wears a helmet with a special faceplate that protects him from the sun.  The fingers of his gloves have ... By Greg van Eekhout Read by Christiana Ellis First appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Astronauts are people who ride rockets into space.  They must train for a very long time before they go.  Astronauts must be brave and smart. Will you be an astronaut? * * * The biggest rocket ever was the Saturn V.  On the launch pad it was taller than a 30-story building.  Today’s rockets are smaller and lighter.  Today’s rockets can be launched more than once.  They have wings and can come back to earth and land like airplanes. When a rocket launches, it’s like an earthquake. The ground is shaking! There is flame and smoke. It’s like an explosion! Antonio is strapped into his seat.  He is about to ride to a space station.  Because there is no air in space, Antonio must wear a space suit.  In the suit, Antonio can breathe and talk over radio.  He wears a helmet with a special faceplate that protects him from the sun.  The fingers of his gloves have tiny claws that help him work with small objects. What’s all that noise? It must be a rocket! Astronauts are traveling to space! 5-4-3-2-1!  Lift off! Rated PG-13. Deceptively G… By Greg van Eekhout Read by Christiana Ellis First appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Astronauts are people who ride rockets into space.  They must train for a very long time before they go.  Astronauts must be brave and smart. Will you be an astronaut? * * * The biggest rocket ever was the Saturn V.  On the launch pad it was taller than a 30-story building.  Today’s rockets are smaller and lighter.  Today’s rockets can be launched more than once.  They have wings and can come back to earth and land like airplanes. When a rocket launches, it’s like an earthquake. The ground is shaking! There is flame and smoke. It’s like an explosion! Antonio is strapped into his seat.  He is about to ride to a space station.  Because there is no air in space, Antonio must wear a space suit.  In the suit, Antonio can breathe and talk over radio.  He wears a helmet with a special faceplate that protects him from the sun.  The fingers of his gloves have tiny claws that help him work with small objects. What’s all that noise? It must be a rocket! Astronauts are traveling to space! 5-4-3-2-1!  Lift off! Rated PG-13. Deceptively G… tag:odeo.com,2009-06-04,24653696 Thu, 04 Jun 2009 21:23:39 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24634335-Escape-Pod-Flash-Patent-Infringement By Nancy Kress Read by Steve Anderson Kegelman-Ballston Corporation is proud to announce the first public release of its new drug, Halitex, which cures Ulbarton’s Flu completely after one ten-pill course of treatment. Ulbarton’s Flu, as the public knows all too well, now afflicts upwards of thirty million Americans, with the number growing daily as the highly contagious flu spreads. Halitex “flu-proofs” the body by inserting genes tailored to confer immunity to this persistent and debilitating scourge, whose symptoms include coughing, muscle aches, and fatigue. Because the virus remains in the body even after symptoms disappear, Ulbarton’s Flu can recur in a given patient at any time. Halitex renders each recurrence ineffectual. Rated PG after intensive clinical testing. By Nancy Kress Read by Steve Anderson Kegelman-Ballston Corporation is proud to announce the first public release of its new drug, Halitex, which cures Ulbarton’s Flu completely after one ten-pill course of treatment. Ulbarton’s Flu, as the public knows all too well, now afflicts upwards of thirty million Americans, with the number growing daily as the highly contagious flu spreads. Halitex “flu-proofs” the body by inserting genes tailored to confer immunity to this persistent and debilitating scourge, whose symptoms include coughing, muscle aches, and fatigue. Because the virus remains in the body even after symptoms disappear, Ulbarton’s Flu can recur in a given patient at any time. Halitex renders each recurrence ineffectual. Rated PG after intensive clinical testing. By Nancy Kress Read by Steve Anderson Kegelman-Ballston Corporation is proud to announce the first public release of its new drug, Halitex, which cures Ulbarton’s Flu completely after one ten-pill course of treatment. Ulbarton’s Flu, as the public knows all too well, now afflicts upwards of thirty million Americans, with the number growing daily as the highly contagious flu spreads. Halitex “flu-proofs” the body by inserting genes tailored to confer immunity to this persistent and debilitating scourge, whose symptoms include coughing, muscle aches, and fatigue. Because the virus remains in the body even after symptoms disappear, Ulbarton’s Flu can recur in a given patient at any time. Halitex renders each recurrence ineffectual. Rated PG after intensive clinical testing. tag:odeo.com,2009-05-31,24634335 Sun, 31 May 2009 21:01:41 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated PG, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24623695-Episode-201-Harry-The-Crow Editors Note: As you may have noticed, episode 201 is appearing before Episode 200.  We’re still working out the kinks of an agreement with the mysterious agent forces mentioned in an earlier update, but we should have that episode for you soon, and we think it’ll be worth the wait.  Rather than keep you waiting any longer, we’re bringing you 201 out of sequence. By John Kratman Read by Norm Sherman First appeared in Aeon Speculative Fiction. “A construct is no Crow!” Tommy shouted, the ridiculous war bonnet he’d worn to my father’s funeral slipping off his head. He pushed it back with an angry swipe of his hand, glaring at the gathered members of the tribe, daring them to laugh. “Harry can do everything a man can do,” I said. There were many people in the lodge that I recognized, but there were many more, ghosts of my past, who should have been there and were not. “He can hunt, write poetry, sing a song. He can think and he can feel. I taught him how to shoot and ... Editors Note: As you may have noticed, episode 201 is appearing before Episode 200.  We’re still working out the kinks of an agreement with the mysterious agent forces mentioned in an earlier update, but we should have that episode for you soon, and we think it’ll be worth the wait.  Rather than keep you waiting any longer, we’re bringing you 201 out of sequence. By John Kratman Read by Norm Sherman First appeared in Aeon Speculative Fiction. “A construct is no Crow!” Tommy shouted, the ridiculous war bonnet he’d worn to my father’s funeral slipping off his head. He pushed it back with an angry swipe of his hand, glaring at the gathered members of the tribe, daring them to laugh. “Harry can do everything a man can do,” I said. There were many people in the lodge that I recognized, but there were many more, ghosts of my past, who should have been there and were not. “He can hunt, write poetry, sing a song. He can think and he can feel. I taught him how to shoot and how to track, how to read and how to write. No matter that he sprang from my brain instead of my manhood. He is my son, the only one this old man will ever have. He is a Crow.” “What can a machine know of tradition and honor?” Tommy asked, his lined face veiled in the shadows cast by the fire. He drew a pipe from his pocket and packed it with angry jabs of his age-spotted hand. Rated R: contains violence, strong language, and counting coup. Editors Note: As you may have noticed, episode 201 is appearing before Episode 200.  We’re still working out the kinks of an agreement with the mysterious agent forces mentioned in an earlier update, but we should have that episode for you soon, and we think it’ll be worth the wait.  Rather than keep you waiting any longer, we’re bringing you 201 out of sequence. By John Kratman Read by Norm Sherman First appeared in Aeon Speculative Fiction. “A construct is no Crow!” Tommy shouted, the ridiculous war bonnet he’d worn to my father’s funeral slipping off his head. He pushed it back with an angry swipe of his hand, glaring at the gathered members of the tribe, daring them to laugh. “Harry can do everything a man can do,” I said. There were many people in the lodge that I recognized, but there were many more, ghosts of my past, who should have been there and were not. “He can hunt, write poetry, sing a song. He can think and he can feel. I taught him how to shoot and how to track, how to read and how to write. No matter that he sprang from my brain instead of my manhood. He is my son, the only one this old man will ever have. He is a Crow.” “What can a machine know of tradition and honor?” Tommy asked, his lined face veiled in the shadows cast by the fire. He drew a pipe from his pocket and packed it with angry jabs of his age-spotted hand. Rated R: contains violence, strong language, and counting coup. tag:odeo.com,2009-05-28,24623695 Thu, 28 May 2009 21:05:28 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24603732-Escape-Pod-Flash-Taco By Greg Van Eekhout Read by John Meagher “Hey, tell me, this look like Jesus to you?” I come to Tito’s Tacos for a lot of reasons. The freeway overpass ambience, the way the old men in the kitchen wrap the burritos tighter than Cuban cigars, the shiny Kennedy 50-cent pieces you always get as part of your change. A lot of reasons. But conversation isn’t among them. Nonetheless, I dutifully look up from my lunch to see what the guy at the next table over is talking about. Rated PG for a possibly edible messiah By Greg Van Eekhout Read by John Meagher “Hey, tell me, this look like Jesus to you?” I come to Tito’s Tacos for a lot of reasons. The freeway overpass ambience, the way the old men in the kitchen wrap the burritos tighter than Cuban cigars, the shiny Kennedy 50-cent pieces you always get as part of your change. A lot of reasons. But conversation isn’t among them. Nonetheless, I dutifully look up from my lunch to see what the guy at the next table over is talking about. Rated PG for a possibly edible messiah By Greg Van Eekhout Read by John Meagher “Hey, tell me, this look like Jesus to you?” I come to Tito’s Tacos for a lot of reasons. The freeway overpass ambience, the way the old men in the kitchen wrap the burritos tighter than Cuban cigars, the shiny Kennedy 50-cent pieces you always get as part of your change. A lot of reasons. But conversation isn’t among them. Nonetheless, I dutifully look up from my lunch to see what the guy at the next table over is talking about. Rated PG for a possibly edible messiah tag:odeo.com,2009-05-24,24603732 Sun, 24 May 2009 21:01:38 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated PG, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24601080-Worlds-of-Tomorrow-Armageddon Welcome to Worlds of Tomorrow, an occasional feature we’ll be running looking at some of the best in science fiction cinema. From acknowledged classics to forgotten gems we’ll be covering them all. Some of them you’ll have seen, some you won’t, some you’ll agree with me on and some you’ll wonder what I was drinking when I watched them but that’s half the fun. Spoilers abound so if you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, go rent it now, we’ll be here when you get back. Otherwise, prepare for a different take on a story of vast asteroids, vast machismo and vast guitar solos… Welcome to Worlds of Tomorrow, an occasional feature we’ll be running looking at some of the best in science fiction cinema. From acknowledged classics to forgotten gems we’ll be covering them all. Some of them you’ll have seen, some you won’t, some you’ll agree with me on and some you’ll wonder what I was drinking when I watched them but that’s half the fun. Spoilers abound so if you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, go rent it now, we’ll be here when you get back. Otherwise, prepare for a different take on a story of vast asteroids, vast machismo and vast guitar solos… Welcome to Worlds of Tomorrow, an occasional feature we’ll be running looking at some of the best in science fiction cinema. From acknowledged classics to forgotten gems we’ll be covering them all. Some of them you’ll have seen, some you won’t, some you’ll agree with me on and some you’ll wonder what I was drinking when I watched them but that’s half the fun. Spoilers abound so if you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, go rent it now, we’ll be here when you get back. Otherwise, prepare for a different take on a story of vast asteroids, vast machismo and vast guitar solos… tag:odeo.com,2009-05-23,24601080 Sat, 23 May 2009 21:01:10 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Reviews http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24580608-Escape-Pod-Flash-Betting-the-Family-Farm By Wenonah Lyon Read by Elie Hirschman It had originally thought the goal was to hit the two small creatures in the distance. They appeared to be identical to the three creatures whom he had joined in the game. First approximation: separated by some distance, one attempts to down the group ahead of one using one of many metal-tipped sticks (called ‘clubs’) to ‘drive’ a small, hard ball. Those behind would, presumably, be attempting to hit one. So, one dodged and drove. Rated PG for frequent golf horror By Wenonah Lyon Read by Elie Hirschman It had originally thought the goal was to hit the two small creatures in the distance. They appeared to be identical to the three creatures whom he had joined in the game. First approximation: separated by some distance, one attempts to down the group ahead of one using one of many metal-tipped sticks (called ‘clubs’) to ‘drive’ a small, hard ball. Those behind would, presumably, be attempting to hit one. So, one dodged and drove. Rated PG for frequent golf horror By Wenonah Lyon Read by Elie Hirschman It had originally thought the goal was to hit the two small creatures in the distance. They appeared to be identical to the three creatures whom he had joined in the game. First approximation: separated by some distance, one attempts to down the group ahead of one using one of many metal-tipped sticks (called ‘clubs’) to ‘drive’ a small, hard ball. Those behind would, presumably, be attempting to hit one. So, one dodged and drove. Rated PG for frequent golf horror tag:odeo.com,2009-05-19,24580608 Tue, 19 May 2009 05:00:09 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated PG, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24580126-Escape-Pod-Flash-Off-Base By Stevens R. Miller Read by Steve Anderson Her boyfriend put a slim hand to his forehead, as though shielding his eyes from sunlight, even though the sun had set some minutes before. Where the girl had pointed was a bright star, moving east. Rated PG for frequent golf horror By Stevens R. Miller Read by Steve Anderson Her boyfriend put a slim hand to his forehead, as though shielding his eyes from sunlight, even though the sun had set some minutes before. Where the girl had pointed was a bright star, moving east. Rated PG for frequent golf horror By Stevens R. Miller Read by Steve Anderson Her boyfriend put a slim hand to his forehead, as though shielding his eyes from sunlight, even though the sun had set some minutes before. Where the girl had pointed was a bright star, moving east. Rated PG for frequent golf horror tag:odeo.com,2009-05-17,24580126 Sun, 17 May 2009 21:01:11 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated PG, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24545311-Episode-199-Elvis-in-the-Attic By Catherine M. Morrison Read by Ben Phillips First appeared in SCIFICTION. We had an Elvis in the attic.  Again. Echoing in the ducts, his voice woke me around 2 A.M.  I hopped from bed and headed for the attic–they always it up there.  A Vegas Elvis stood by a rack of old clothes singing “Blue Christmas” to them. As I edged in the door, he segued to “Jingle Bell Rock.”  He waved me down to the front of his meager audience, conferring a special favor.  I settled cross-legged on the floor and enjoyed his tunes. For months there has been an Elvis infestation all over town, but this was the first Vegas Elvis we’d got.  He worked the room hard, sweat dripping down the side of his forehead.  He was dressed in his trademark white jumpsuit with the spangles and beads and the big white cape he flourished dramatically.  The acoustics up here sucked, but even a big fat Elvis could rock the house. Rated PG: contains Elvii. By Catherine M. Morrison Read by Ben Phillips First appeared in SCIFICTION. We had an Elvis in the attic.  Again. Echoing in the ducts, his voice woke me around 2 A.M.  I hopped from bed and headed for the attic–they always it up there.  A Vegas Elvis stood by a rack of old clothes singing “Blue Christmas” to them. As I edged in the door, he segued to “Jingle Bell Rock.”  He waved me down to the front of his meager audience, conferring a special favor.  I settled cross-legged on the floor and enjoyed his tunes. For months there has been an Elvis infestation all over town, but this was the first Vegas Elvis we’d got.  He worked the room hard, sweat dripping down the side of his forehead.  He was dressed in his trademark white jumpsuit with the spangles and beads and the big white cape he flourished dramatically.  The acoustics up here sucked, but even a big fat Elvis could rock the house. Rated PG: contains Elvii. By Catherine M. Morrison Read by Ben Phillips First appeared in SCIFICTION. We had an Elvis in the attic.  Again. Echoing in the ducts, his voice woke me around 2 A.M.  I hopped from bed and headed for the attic–they always it up there.  A Vegas Elvis stood by a rack of old clothes singing “Blue Christmas” to them. As I edged in the door, he segued to “Jingle Bell Rock.”  He waved me down to the front of his meager audience, conferring a special favor.  I settled cross-legged on the floor and enjoyed his tunes. For months there has been an Elvis infestation all over town, but this was the first Vegas Elvis we’d got.  He worked the room hard, sweat dripping down the side of his forehead.  He was dressed in his trademark white jumpsuit with the spangles and beads and the big white cape he flourished dramatically.  The acoustics up here sucked, but even a big fat Elvis could rock the house. Rated PG: contains Elvii. tag:odeo.com,2009-05-14,24545311 Thu, 14 May 2009 05:00:29 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24545312-Episode-198-N-words By Ted Kosmatka Read by Kim The Comic Book Goddess First appeared in Seeds of Change , 2008. They came from test tubes. They came pale as ghosts with eyes as blue-white as glacier ice. They came first out of Korea. I try to picture David’s face in my head, but I can’t. They’ve told me this is temporary—a kind of shock that happens sometimes when you’ve seen a person die that way. Although I try to picture David’s face, it’s only his pale eyes I can see. My sister squeezes my hand in the back of the limo. “It’s almost over,” she says. Up the road, against the long, wrought iron railing, the protestors grow excited as our procession approaches. They’re standing in the snow on both sides of the cemetery gates, men and women wearing hats and gloves and looks of righteous indignation, carrying signs I refuse to read. Rated PG-13. Contains racism and genetic engineering. By Ted Kosmatka Read by Kim The Comic Book Goddess First appeared in Seeds of Change , 2008. They came from test tubes. They came pale as ghosts with eyes as blue-white as glacier ice. They came first out of Korea. I try to picture David’s face in my head, but I can’t. They’ve told me this is temporary—a kind of shock that happens sometimes when you’ve seen a person die that way. Although I try to picture David’s face, it’s only his pale eyes I can see. My sister squeezes my hand in the back of the limo. “It’s almost over,” she says. Up the road, against the long, wrought iron railing, the protestors grow excited as our procession approaches. They’re standing in the snow on both sides of the cemetery gates, men and women wearing hats and gloves and looks of righteous indignation, carrying signs I refuse to read. Rated PG-13. Contains racism and genetic engineering. By Ted Kosmatka Read by Kim The Comic Book Goddess First appeared in Seeds of Change , 2008. They came from test tubes. They came pale as ghosts with eyes as blue-white as glacier ice. They came first out of Korea. I try to picture David’s face in my head, but I can’t. They’ve told me this is temporary—a kind of shock that happens sometimes when you’ve seen a person die that way. Although I try to picture David’s face, it’s only his pale eyes I can see. My sister squeezes my hand in the back of the limo. “It’s almost over,” she says. Up the road, against the long, wrought iron railing, the protestors grow excited as our procession approaches. They’re standing in the snow on both sides of the cemetery gates, men and women wearing hats and gloves and looks of righteous indignation, carrying signs I refuse to read. Rated PG-13. Contains racism and genetic engineering. tag:odeo.com,2009-05-07,24545312 Thu, 07 May 2009 14:18:09 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24545313-Escape-Pod-Flash-Get-Me-to-the-Job-on-Time By Ian Randal Strock Read by Elie Hirschman “Maybe it’s what you’d do with the knowledge that determines whether or not you’ll discover the secret of time travel.” “What?” I asked the old man. “I know for a fact that time travel is possible. I knew the man who discovered it. And you’ll never guess what he used his discovery for.” Well, I didn’t believe that old man any more than you believe me, but we’d been waiting in that airport for four hours, so I humored him. “All right, I’ll bite,” I said. “What did he use time travel for?” “Wally didn’t need to see the pyramids getting built, or sail with Columbus, or even watch JFK’s assassination. What Wally wanted to do, more than anything, was get to work on time.” An introduction like that demands a story, so I sat down and let him tell me. By Ian Randal Strock Read by Elie Hirschman “Maybe it’s what you’d do with the knowledge that determines whether or not you’ll discover the secret of time travel.” “What?” I asked the old man. “I know for a fact that time travel is possible. I knew the man who discovered it. And you’ll never guess what he used his discovery for.” Well, I didn’t believe that old man any more than you believe me, but we’d been waiting in that airport for four hours, so I humored him. “All right, I’ll bite,” I said. “What did he use time travel for?” “Wally didn’t need to see the pyramids getting built, or sail with Columbus, or even watch JFK’s assassination. What Wally wanted to do, more than anything, was get to work on time.” An introduction like that demands a story, so I sat down and let him tell me. By Ian Randal Strock Read by Elie Hirschman “Maybe it’s what you’d do with the knowledge that determines whether or not you’ll discover the secret of time travel.” “What?” I asked the old man. “I know for a fact that time travel is possible. I knew the man who discovered it. And you’ll never guess what he used his discovery for.” Well, I didn’t believe that old man any more than you believe me, but we’d been waiting in that airport for four hours, so I humored him. “All right, I’ll bite,” I said. “What did he use time travel for?” “Wally didn’t need to see the pyramids getting built, or sail with Columbus, or even watch JFK’s assassination. What Wally wanted to do, more than anything, was get to work on time.” An introduction like that demands a story, so I sat down and let him tell me. tag:odeo.com,2009-05-06,24545313 Wed, 06 May 2009 04:41:07 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24530565-Worlds-of-Tomorrow-2010 Welcome to Worlds of Tomorrow, an occasional feature we’ll be running looking at some of the best in science fiction cinema. From acknowledged classics to forgotten gems we’ll be covering them all. Some of them you’ll have seen, some you won’t, some you’ll agree with me on and some you’ll wonder what I was drinking when I watched them but that’s half the fun. Spoilers abound so if you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, go rent it now, we’ll be here when you get back. Otherwise, set a course for fun. Or in the case of our first instalment, huge black objects circling Jupiter… Welcome to Worlds of Tomorrow, an occasional feature we’ll be running looking at some of the best in science fiction cinema. From acknowledged classics to forgotten gems we’ll be covering them all. Some of them you’ll have seen, some you won’t, some you’ll agree with me on and some you’ll wonder what I was drinking when I watched them but that’s half the fun. Spoilers abound so if you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, go rent it now, we’ll be here when you get back. Otherwise, set a course for fun. Or in the case of our first instalment, huge black objects circling Jupiter… Welcome to Worlds of Tomorrow, an occasional feature we’ll be running looking at some of the best in science fiction cinema. From acknowledged classics to forgotten gems we’ll be covering them all. Some of them you’ll have seen, some you won’t, some you’ll agree with me on and some you’ll wonder what I was drinking when I watched them but that’s half the fun. Spoilers abound so if you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, go rent it now, we’ll be here when you get back. Otherwise, set a course for fun. Or in the case of our first instalment, huge black objects circling Jupiter… tag:odeo.com,2009-05-02,24530565 Sat, 02 May 2009 21:01:26 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Reviews, Worlds of Tomorrow http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24522459-Episode-197-From-Babel%E2%80%99s-Fall%E2%80%99n-Glory-We-Fled%E2%80%A6 By Michael Swanwick Read by Sarah Tolbert First appeared in Asimov’s Feb 2008 Imagine a cross between Byzantium and a termite mound. Imagine a jeweled mountain, slender as an icicle, rising out of the steam jungles and disappearing into the dazzling pearl-grey skies of Gehenna. Imagine that Gaudí—he of the Segrada Familia and other biomorphic architectural whimsies—had been commissioned by a nightmare race of giant black millipedes to recreate Barcelona at the height of its glory, along with touches of the Forbidden City in the eighteenth century and Tokyo in the twenty-second, all within a single miles-high structure. Hold every bit of that in your mind at once, multiply by a thousand, and you’ve got only the faintest ghost of a notion of the splendor that was Babel. Now imagine being inside Babel when it fell. Rated PG. Contains the destruction of cities, a lack of trust, and sentient suits. By Michael Swanwick Read by Sarah Tolbert First appeared in Asimov’s Feb 2008 Imagine a cross between Byzantium and a termite mound. Imagine a jeweled mountain, slender as an icicle, rising out of the steam jungles and disappearing into the dazzling pearl-grey skies of Gehenna. Imagine that Gaudí—he of the Segrada Familia and other biomorphic architectural whimsies—had been commissioned by a nightmare race of giant black millipedes to recreate Barcelona at the height of its glory, along with touches of the Forbidden City in the eighteenth century and Tokyo in the twenty-second, all within a single miles-high structure. Hold every bit of that in your mind at once, multiply by a thousand, and you’ve got only the faintest ghost of a notion of the splendor that was Babel. Now imagine being inside Babel when it fell. Rated PG. Contains the destruction of cities, a lack of trust, and sentient suits. By Michael Swanwick Read by Sarah Tolbert First appeared in Asimov’s Feb 2008 Imagine a cross between Byzantium and a termite mound. Imagine a jeweled mountain, slender as an icicle, rising out of the steam jungles and disappearing into the dazzling pearl-grey skies of Gehenna. Imagine that Gaudí—he of the Segrada Familia and other biomorphic architectural whimsies—had been commissioned by a nightmare race of giant black millipedes to recreate Barcelona at the height of its glory, along with touches of the Forbidden City in the eighteenth century and Tokyo in the twenty-second, all within a single miles-high structure. Hold every bit of that in your mind at once, multiply by a thousand, and you’ve got only the faintest ghost of a notion of the splendor that was Babel. Now imagine being inside Babel when it fell. Rated PG. Contains the destruction of cities, a lack of trust, and sentient suits. tag:odeo.com,2009-04-30,24522459 Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:59:54 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Hugo Awards, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24529963-Escape-Pod-Flash-Semi-Autonomous-or-%E2%80%98For-Whom-The-Warranty-Tolls By Jim Kling Read by Rachel Swirsky Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. Leave a message and I will have him return your call. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. He will be hosting his birthday party on Saturday night. If you plan to attend, press ‘one’ and then speak your name. I will add you to the guest list. Otherwise, leave a message and I will make sure he receives it. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. My records indicate that you have previously RSVP’d for the Saturday night party. Please indicate your alcohol preference. For beer, press ‘one.’ For wine, press ‘two.’ For mixed drinks, press ‘three.’ If you prefer non-alcoholic beverages, press ‘four.’ This information will be used for ordering purposes only, transmitted through my wireless connection to Jim’s refrigerator, which in turn is linked to ... By Jim Kling Read by Rachel Swirsky Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. Leave a message and I will have him return your call. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. He will be hosting his birthday party on Saturday night. If you plan to attend, press ‘one’ and then speak your name. I will add you to the guest list. Otherwise, leave a message and I will make sure he receives it. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. My records indicate that you have previously RSVP’d for the Saturday night party. Please indicate your alcohol preference. For beer, press ‘one.’ For wine, press ‘two.’ For mixed drinks, press ‘three.’ If you prefer non-alcoholic beverages, press ‘four.’ This information will be used for ordering purposes only, transmitted through my wireless connection to Jim’s refrigerator, which in turn is linked to an online grocery. For more information about AutonomInc’s SmartAppliance line, please view our web site at www.autonominc.com. “AutonomInc: We give a whole new meaning to housework!” If you have a message for Jim, please leave it now. Rated PG and now available in a wide variety of colours! By Jim Kling Read by Rachel Swirsky Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. Leave a message and I will have him return your call. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. He will be hosting his birthday party on Saturday night. If you plan to attend, press ‘one’ and then speak your name. I will add you to the guest list. Otherwise, leave a message and I will make sure he receives it. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. My records indicate that you have previously RSVP’d for the Saturday night party. Please indicate your alcohol preference. For beer, press ‘one.’ For wine, press ‘two.’ For mixed drinks, press ‘three.’ If you prefer non-alcoholic beverages, press ‘four.’ This information will be used for ordering purposes only, transmitted through my wireless connection to Jim’s refrigerator, which in turn is linked to an online grocery. For more information about AutonomInc’s SmartAppliance line, please view our web site at www.autonominc.com. “AutonomInc: We give a whole new meaning to housework!” If you have a message for Jim, please leave it now. Rated PG and now available in a wide variety of colours! tag:odeo.com,2009-04-27,24529963 Mon, 27 Apr 2009 06:26:54 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24508562-Escape-Pod-Flash-Semi-Autonamous-or-%E2%80%98For-Whom-The-Warranty-Tolls By Jim Kling Read by Rachel Swirsky Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. Leave a message and I will have him return your call. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. He will be hosting his birthday party on Saturday night. If you plan to attend, press ‘one’ and then speak your name. I will add you to the guest list. Otherwise, leave a message and I will make sure he receives it. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. My records indicate that you have previously RSVP’d for the Saturday night party. Please indicate your alcohol preference. For beer, press ‘one.’ For wine, press ‘two.’ For mixed drinks, press ‘three.’ If you prefer non-alcoholic beverages, press ‘four.’ This information will be used for ordering purposes only, transmitted through my wireless connection to Jim’s refrigerator, which in turn is linked to ... By Jim Kling Read by Rachel Swirsky Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. Leave a message and I will have him return your call. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. He will be hosting his birthday party on Saturday night. If you plan to attend, press ‘one’ and then speak your name. I will add you to the guest list. Otherwise, leave a message and I will make sure he receives it. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. My records indicate that you have previously RSVP’d for the Saturday night party. Please indicate your alcohol preference. For beer, press ‘one.’ For wine, press ‘two.’ For mixed drinks, press ‘three.’ If you prefer non-alcoholic beverages, press ‘four.’ This information will be used for ordering purposes only, transmitted through my wireless connection to Jim’s refrigerator, which in turn is linked to an online grocery. For more information about AutonomInc’s SmartAppliance line, please view our web site at www.autonominc.com. “AutonomInc: We give a whole new meaning to housework!” If you have a message for Jim, please leave it now. Rated PG and now available in a wide variety of colours! By Jim Kling Read by Rachel Swirsky Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. Leave a message and I will have him return your call. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. He will be hosting his birthday party on Saturday night. If you plan to attend, press ‘one’ and then speak your name. I will add you to the guest list. Otherwise, leave a message and I will make sure he receives it. Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. My records indicate that you have previously RSVP’d for the Saturday night party. Please indicate your alcohol preference. For beer, press ‘one.’ For wine, press ‘two.’ For mixed drinks, press ‘three.’ If you prefer non-alcoholic beverages, press ‘four.’ This information will be used for ordering purposes only, transmitted through my wireless connection to Jim’s refrigerator, which in turn is linked to an online grocery. For more information about AutonomInc’s SmartAppliance line, please view our web site at www.autonominc.com. “AutonomInc: We give a whole new meaning to housework!” If you have a message for Jim, please leave it now. Rated PG and now available in a wide variety of colours! tag:odeo.com,2009-04-27,24508562 Mon, 27 Apr 2009 06:26:54 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24490507-EP196-Evil-Robot-Monkey By Mary Robinette Kowal Read by Stephen Eley First appeared in the Solaris Book of New Science Fiction, vol. 2 edited by George Mann. Sliding his hands over the clay, Sly relished the moisture oozing around his fingers. The clay matted down the hair on the back of his hands making them look almost human. He turned the potter’s wheel with his prehensile feet as he shaped the vase. Pinching the clay between his fingers he lifted the wall of the vase, spinning it higher. Someone banged on the window of his pen. Sly jumped and then screamed as the vase collapsed under its own weight. He spun and hurled it at the picture window like feces. The clay spattered against the Plexiglas, sliding down the window. Rated PG. Contains one angry chimp with a potty mouth. Sort of. By Mary Robinette Kowal Read by Stephen Eley First appeared in the Solaris Book of New Science Fiction, vol. 2 edited by George Mann. Sliding his hands over the clay, Sly relished the moisture oozing around his fingers. The clay matted down the hair on the back of his hands making them look almost human. He turned the potter’s wheel with his prehensile feet as he shaped the vase. Pinching the clay between his fingers he lifted the wall of the vase, spinning it higher. Someone banged on the window of his pen. Sly jumped and then screamed as the vase collapsed under its own weight. He spun and hurled it at the picture window like feces. The clay spattered against the Plexiglas, sliding down the window. Rated PG. Contains one angry chimp with a potty mouth. Sort of. By Mary Robinette Kowal Read by Stephen Eley First appeared in the Solaris Book of New Science Fiction, vol. 2 edited by George Mann. Sliding his hands over the clay, Sly relished the moisture oozing around his fingers. The clay matted down the hair on the back of his hands making them look almost human. He turned the potter’s wheel with his prehensile feet as he shaped the vase. Pinching the clay between his fingers he lifted the wall of the vase, spinning it higher. Someone banged on the window of his pen. Sly jumped and then screamed as the vase collapsed under its own weight. He spun and hurled it at the picture window like feces. The clay spattered against the Plexiglas, sliding down the window. Rated PG. Contains one angry chimp with a potty mouth. Sort of. tag:odeo.com,2009-04-23,24490507 Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:42:21 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Rated PG, Hugo Awards http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24473920-Escape-Pod-Flash-Chump-Change By Pete Butler Read by Jake Squid It’s going to be the Three of Clubs. I know this, as certainly as I know my own name. I’m less sure about some things than my fans would think. But sometimes, the swirling laws governing what may happen coalesce into what will happen with astonishing clarity. The sun will rise tomorrow, the Pirates will beat the Mets tonight, and as soon as I announce my “guess,” the Three of Clubs will appear on the monitor in front of me. “Jack of Spades,” I proclaim, full of conviction. The monitor flickers, and is suddenly filled by a pixilated version of the Three of Clubs. Rated PG for…welll, you already know why, don’t you? By Pete Butler Read by Jake Squid It’s going to be the Three of Clubs. I know this, as certainly as I know my own name. I’m less sure about some things than my fans would think. But sometimes, the swirling laws governing what may happen coalesce into what will happen with astonishing clarity. The sun will rise tomorrow, the Pirates will beat the Mets tonight, and as soon as I announce my “guess,” the Three of Clubs will appear on the monitor in front of me. “Jack of Spades,” I proclaim, full of conviction. The monitor flickers, and is suddenly filled by a pixilated version of the Three of Clubs. Rated PG for…welll, you already know why, don’t you? By Pete Butler Read by Jake Squid It’s going to be the Three of Clubs. I know this, as certainly as I know my own name. I’m less sure about some things than my fans would think. But sometimes, the swirling laws governing what may happen coalesce into what will happen with astonishing clarity. The sun will rise tomorrow, the Pirates will beat the Mets tonight, and as soon as I announce my “guess,” the Three of Clubs will appear on the monitor in front of me. “Jack of Spades,” I proclaim, full of conviction. The monitor flickers, and is suddenly filled by a pixilated version of the Three of Clubs. Rated PG for…welll, you already know why, don’t you? tag:odeo.com,2009-04-20,24473920 Mon, 20 Apr 2009 06:46:33 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24467205-EP195-26-Monkeys-Also-the-Abyss 2009 Hugo Nominee! By Kij Johnson. Read by Diane Severson (of The Diva’s Divine Days). First appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction , July 2008. Narration first appeared at and produced by Starship Sofa. Special thanks to Tony Smith and Diane Severson for their kind permission to resyndicate this award nominee. She sets a stepladder next to it. She claps her hands and the 26 monkeys onstage run up the ladder one after the other and jump into the bathtub. The bathtub shakes as each monkey thuds in among the others. The audience can see heads, legs, tails; but eventually every monkey settles and the bathtub is still again. Zeb is always the last monkey up the ladder. As he climbs into the bathtub, he makes a humming boom deep in his chest. It fills the stage. And then there’s a flash of light, two of the chains fall off, and the bathtub swings down to expose its interior. Empty. Rated PG. Contains 26 monkeys. Also, the abyss. 2009 Hugo Nominee! By Kij Johnson. Read by Diane Severson (of The Diva’s Divine Days). First appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction , July 2008. Narration first appeared at and produced by Starship Sofa. Special thanks to Tony Smith and Diane Severson for their kind permission to resyndicate this award nominee. She sets a stepladder next to it. She claps her hands and the 26 monkeys onstage run up the ladder one after the other and jump into the bathtub. The bathtub shakes as each monkey thuds in among the others. The audience can see heads, legs, tails; but eventually every monkey settles and the bathtub is still again. Zeb is always the last monkey up the ladder. As he climbs into the bathtub, he makes a humming boom deep in his chest. It fills the stage. And then there’s a flash of light, two of the chains fall off, and the bathtub swings down to expose its interior. Empty. Rated PG. Contains 26 monkeys. Also, the abyss. 2009 Hugo Nominee! By Kij Johnson. Read by Diane Severson (of The Diva’s Divine Days). First appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction , July 2008. Narration first appeared at and produced by Starship Sofa. Special thanks to Tony Smith and Diane Severson for their kind permission to resyndicate this award nominee. She sets a stepladder next to it. She claps her hands and the 26 monkeys onstage run up the ladder one after the other and jump into the bathtub. The bathtub shakes as each monkey thuds in among the others. The audience can see heads, legs, tails; but eventually every monkey settles and the bathtub is still again. Zeb is always the last monkey up the ladder. As he climbs into the bathtub, he makes a humming boom deep in his chest. It fills the stage. And then there’s a flash of light, two of the chains fall off, and the bathtub swings down to expose its interior. Empty. Rated PG. Contains 26 monkeys. Also, the abyss. tag:odeo.com,2009-04-18,24467205 Sat, 18 Apr 2009 10:30:24 -0700 no Escape Pod Rated PG, Hugo Awards http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24447499-Escape-Pod-Flash-The-Sincerest-Form By W.G. Hopkins Read by Alasdair Stuart Bars of light crossed my desk, carved from the sun by the open window. The scent of hot asphalt rose from the path that led to the capitol buildings. Beside me, Dr. Singh motioned for the guards to bring in Dr. Norman Terriault. He looked pale. I motioned for him to sit. The guards stood on either side. The officer saluted. I closed the window. A faint buzzing hovered in the air. “Why me?” Terriault asked. “You must be familiar with the work of the Imitant Office,” Singh consulted his tablet, “Dr. Terriault.” “I’m just like both of you.” Terriault leaned forward, the guards pulled him back. “Apparently,” I said. Rated PG for low intensity inter-species conflict By W.G. Hopkins Read by Alasdair Stuart Bars of light crossed my desk, carved from the sun by the open window. The scent of hot asphalt rose from the path that led to the capitol buildings. Beside me, Dr. Singh motioned for the guards to bring in Dr. Norman Terriault. He looked pale. I motioned for him to sit. The guards stood on either side. The officer saluted. I closed the window. A faint buzzing hovered in the air. “Why me?” Terriault asked. “You must be familiar with the work of the Imitant Office,” Singh consulted his tablet, “Dr. Terriault.” “I’m just like both of you.” Terriault leaned forward, the guards pulled him back. “Apparently,” I said. Rated PG for low intensity inter-species conflict By W.G. Hopkins Read by Alasdair Stuart Bars of light crossed my desk, carved from the sun by the open window. The scent of hot asphalt rose from the path that led to the capitol buildings. Beside me, Dr. Singh motioned for the guards to bring in Dr. Norman Terriault. He looked pale. I motioned for him to sit. The guards stood on either side. The officer saluted. I closed the window. A faint buzzing hovered in the air. “Why me?” Terriault asked. “You must be familiar with the work of the Imitant Office,” Singh consulted his tablet, “Dr. Terriault.” “I’m just like both of you.” Terriault leaned forward, the guards pulled him back. “Apparently,” I said. Rated PG for low intensity inter-species conflict tag:odeo.com,2009-04-14,24447499 Tue, 14 Apr 2009 07:52:02 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, flash http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24433823-EP194-Exhalation 2009 Hugo Nominee! By Ted Chiang. Read by Ray Sizemore (of X-Ray Visions). First appeared in Eclipse 2 , ed. Jonathan Strahan. Narration first appeared at and produced by Starship Sofa. Special thanks to Tony Smith and Ray Sizemore for their kind permission to resyndicate this award nominee. Audible.com Promotion! Get your free audiobook at: http://audiblepodcast.com/escapepod But in the normal course of life, our need for air is far from our thoughts, and indeed many would say that satisfying that need is the least important part of going to the filling stations. For the filling stations are the primary venue for social conversation, the places from which we draw emotional sustenance as well as physical. We all keep spare sets of full lungs in our homes, but when one is alone, the act of opening one’s chest and replacing one’s lungs can seem little better than a chore. In the company of others, however, it becomes a communal activity, a shared pleasure. Rated PG. Contains entropy, ... 2009 Hugo Nominee! By Ted Chiang. Read by Ray Sizemore (of X-Ray Visions). First appeared in Eclipse 2 , ed. Jonathan Strahan. Narration first appeared at and produced by Starship Sofa. Special thanks to Tony Smith and Ray Sizemore for their kind permission to resyndicate this award nominee. Audible.com Promotion! Get your free audiobook at: http://audiblepodcast.com/escapepod But in the normal course of life, our need for air is far from our thoughts, and indeed many would say that satisfying that need is the least important part of going to the filling stations. For the filling stations are the primary venue for social conversation, the places from which we draw emotional sustenance as well as physical. We all keep spare sets of full lungs in our homes, but when one is alone, the act of opening one’s chest and replacing one’s lungs can seem little better than a chore. In the company of others, however, it becomes a communal activity, a shared pleasure. Rated PG. Contains entropy, eschatology, and empirical evisceration. 2009 Hugo Nominee! By Ted Chiang. Read by Ray Sizemore (of X-Ray Visions). First appeared in Eclipse 2 , ed. Jonathan Strahan. Narration first appeared at and produced by Starship Sofa. Special thanks to Tony Smith and Ray Sizemore for their kind permission to resyndicate this award nominee. Audible.com Promotion! Get your free audiobook at: http://audiblepodcast.com/escapepod But in the normal course of life, our need for air is far from our thoughts, and indeed many would say that satisfying that need is the least important part of going to the filling stations. For the filling stations are the primary venue for social conversation, the places from which we draw emotional sustenance as well as physical. We all keep spare sets of full lungs in our homes, but when one is alone, the act of opening one’s chest and replacing one’s lungs can seem little better than a chore. In the company of others, however, it becomes a communal activity, a shared pleasure. Rated PG. Contains entropy, eschatology, and empirical evisceration. tag:odeo.com,2009-04-09,24433823 Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:00:49 -0700 no Escape Pod podcasts, Uncategorized, Rated PG, Hugo Awards http://www.odeo.com/episodes/24415122-Escape-Pod-Flash-Grandpa By Edward M Lerner Read by Ben Phillips The lecture hall was pleasantly warm. Behind Prof. Thaddeus Fitch, busily writing on the chalkboard, pencils scratched earnestly in spiral notebooks, fluorescent lights hummed, feet shuffled. A Beach Boys tune wafted in through open windows from the quad. “And so,” he continued, “travel backwards in time would violate causality, and hence appears to be impossible.” He turned to face the class. “The problem is most commonly illustrated with the ‘Grandfather Paradox.’ Rated PG for paradoxical violence. Be sure to check out Mr. Lerner’s new book, FOOL’S EXPERIENCE. By Edward M Lerner Read by Ben Phillips The lecture hall was pleasantly warm. Behind Prof. Thaddeus Fitch, busily writing on the chalkboard, pencils scratched earnestly in spiral notebooks, fluorescent lights hummed, feet shuffled. A Beach Boys tune wafted in through open windows from the quad. “And so,” he continued, “travel backwards in time would violate causality, and hence appears to be impossible.” He turned to face the class. “The problem is most commonly illustrated with the ‘Grandfather Paradox.’ Rated PG for paradoxical violence. Be sure to check out Mr. Lerner’s new book, FOOL’S EXPERIENCE. By Edward M Lerner Read by Ben Phillips The lecture hall was pleasantly warm. Behind Prof. Thaddeus Fitch, busily writing on the chalkboard, pencils scratched earnestly in spiral notebooks, fluorescent lights hummed, feet shuffled. A Beach Boys tune wafted in through open windows from the quad. “And so,” he continued, “travel backwards in time would violate causality, and hence appears to be impossible.” He turned to face the class. “The problem is most commonly illustrated with the ‘Grandfather Paradox.’ Rated PG for paradoxical violence. Be sure to check out Mr. Lerner’s new book, FOOL’S EXPERIENCE. tag:odeo.com,2009-04-06,24415122 Mon, 06 Apr 2009 09:00:22 -0700 no Escape Pod flash